Check, Please?

Chapter 22

I always wished that I had friends or family somewhere else in the world so I could make my dramatic and unplanned plane escape to distant lands.  I would run into the arms of someone I hadn't seen in months... years even, and sob and blow my nose into their sleeve and pity myself while they sat and nodded and rubbed my shoulders like in the movies, but that wouldn't happen.  The one person that MIGHT have happened with was Harry, and he was too stunned to even defend me from Anna's harsh words, let alone rub my shoulders.  Instead of taking off on a plane to a random destination, I drove to the only person I knew wouldn’t judge me or interrupt me or try to give me advice I didn’t currently want.  I knew she would sit with me silently and listen to me and feel sorry for me like I wanted everyone to at the moment.  I poured my heart out to her, told her more than I ever had when she was actually alive, I explained my deepest feelings to her and didn’t worry about watching my language when I did it either.  Any time I let a curse word slip from my lips, the wind seemed to be a little harder and I would laugh; it was almost as if she was silently reprimanding me for using such language.  Typical Mother.  "Why do you have to be gone?" I whispered after an hour of venting. 

 Her gravestone looked a little darker today.  A little more dirty.  A little more sad.  I sat on the cool grass in front of it and ran my finger over the engraving that spelled out her name.  I took a single flower from a bouquet at another headstone and placed it on hers before I laid down next to it and stared at the gray rock.  Before long, I had fallen asleep and probably would have been there until after dark had a mourning stranger not woken me up before the sun set.

I felt daring enough to drive past the apartment after the street lights flickered on and the sky was dark enough to hide me as I rolled down the street in Harry’s Celica.  I felt horrible for just taking his car from him.  I was so caught up in getting away from there that I just snatched up his keys again and took off without thinking.  When I saw that Niall’s car was gone and the lights were out in the living room, I sped into the garage and quietly rushed into the apartment.  Without turning on any lights, I grabbed my purse, which I had forgotten in my haste to escape the apartment earlier, another pair of shoes and a different shirts, pants, and underwear.  I stuffed a second bag with anything I might need from my bathroom, grabbed some water bottles and apples from the fridge, granola bars and chips from the cabinet, and even took the blanket and pillow from my bed.  I texted James and asked if he was available for the first time in weeks, sighing with relief when he said he would be at the apartment within the hour.  I stood in the shadows by the front window and watched the street to make sure that James reached the apartment to get me before Harry, Niall, or Anna returned from wherever they were.  I selfishly hoped that at least one of them was out looking for me, but when I looked at my phone and saw no missed calls or all-caps “WHERE ARE YOU” texts, my hopes diminished.  The longer I stood there, the more time I had to notice the picture of Harry and I hanging on the wall beside the window.  Why did I ever try to get involved with you? I thought.  Why did I have to ruin it all?

“Where to, Miss Ray?” James asked, placing my bags in the limo before holding my door open for me.

“I’m thinking the studio tonight, James.  Thank you,” I requested, falling into the large back set while I clutched my blanket and pillow to my body, basically creating a bed in the back seat while we made our way to the studio.  I know that I basically slept all day, but all of my emotions had mentally drained me and I couldn't wait to fall back asleep and slip into a dream filled with anything other than babies and angry friends. 

“You haven’t called me in quite a while.  I was beginning to think that you had forgotten me,” James chuckled, winking as he studied me through the rear-view mirror.

I returned as much as a grin as I could and looked out the window at the passing buildings. “I haven’t been going out as much.”

“That probably isn’t a bad thing,” James added.