Check, Please?

Epilogue (Version 2) - Louis

“So, I have some bad news…” the doctor said slowly.  He was an old man, his skin sagging under his eyes, sagging on his cheeks, sagging on his neck… when he lifted his arms they sagged.  His eyes were gray and lifeless, yet wide like he had seen a thousand deaths in his lifetime.  Doctor Sunny was his name.  How ironic.

I stood beside Harry as he sat on the patient table and held his hand.  When the Doctor Sunny said “bad news,” Harry’s hand went limp, his shoulders dropped, and his forehead wrinkled up with disappointment.

“We did some tests and Harry is, unfortunately, infertile.” Doctor Sunny pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his saggy nose and scribbled down some notes in Harry’s patient folder.  “I know you two want a child.  I know you said you’ve been trying to have one for a while.  Like we discussed before, we have a few options. One is adopt, two is you can use a sperm donor-“

I nodded and raised my hand up to Doctor Sunny.  We knew our options.  Doctor Sunny stood slowly and walked into his office, leaving Harry and I alone.  Harry’s hair hung around his face like it was trying to hide him from me.  I knew he felt responsible.  I knew he was completely upset with himself.

“We’ve been trying for months to have a baby and I’ve been holding us back the whole time…” he said, pulling his hand away from me and tugging at the hair on the sides of his head. 

“Aww come on, Haz.  It’s not like I haven’t been enjoying all of the attempting…” I giggled and nudged him, but he didn’t respond.  He wouldn’t look at me, but instead tried to cover his face with his hand.  I took his hand and pulled him off of the table.  “Come on, baby.  Come on.  Let’s get out of here.”

We drove back to the apartment in silence.  I could have said something.  I could have said anything to try and cheer him up.  I knew after years and years of practice just what things to say that would usually bring a little grin to his face and a little sparkle to his eyes, but this was different. 

When we got home, he walked straight back to our room (which used to be mine) and collapsed face-first on the bed.  I climbed onto the bed beside him and stuck my hands up the back of his shirt, feeling his warm skin under my fingers.  I massaged his lower back with my knuckles and scratched his skin gently as he breathed slowly in and out and in and out.  At one point, his back was moving up and down so slowly that I thought he was about to stop breathing, but he turned his head and looked across the room, avoiding my gaze.

“I told you in my wedding vows that I would always give you what you wanted-”

“Harold-” I growled quietly, knowing exactly where he was going with this.

He ignored me and said it anyway. “And the one thing you really want, I can’t give you. I’m so sorry Scotlan.”

His body tightened beneath my hand as he turned his face and buried it back in the bed.

“Harry-“

“Scotlan, please just-“

“No, Harry.  Listen to m-“

“Babe.” Harry sat up abruptly and cupped my face in his hands.  His eyes were wet.  My heart always twisted in my chest when I saw Harry crying.  I wanted to say something but he obviously didn’t want me to talk. “Do you know how much I love you?” He asked.  I nodded.  He grinned, but his bottom eyelid was filling more and more each second with tears. “Good.  I love you so much.  But please… please… just let me think for a little bit, okay?”

I nodded again, Harry’s hands still holding my face.  He pulled me to him and whispered one more “I love you” before kissing my lips and watching me climb off the bed.  As I rounded the door to my room, I heard his body collapse on the bed again.  I sighed and grabbed the keys to the Celica before slipping my shoes back on and walking out the door.