Check, Please?

Chapter 15

"I love you," I said again, emphasizing the second word. 

The corners of Harry’s mouth turned upward as he grinned at me. “Well I love you too Scotlan.”

I started to smile but stopped and studied Harry for a moment.  “Like, love me?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, I love you.”  We weren’t talking about the same love though.  He said it so casually… it didn’t sound any different from when he said it before.  He wasn’t overly happy about it either.  Was I overthinking this?  I thought with all of the things he said while holding me in the bathtub a day earlier, there would be more to this moment.

“Okay.” I tossed the keys to Harry and waited for him to unlock the car.

“Scotlan,” he groaned. “Don’t be mad.”

I shook my head and looked at him over the top of the car.  I wasn’t mad.  I wasn’t completely sad either.  Like I told him earlier, I didn’t know what I was feeling. I was just… okay.  “I don’t think you’re really understanding what I’m telling you, Harry.”

Harry sighed and walked around the side of the car to me.  He pulled me into his chest and held me for a few moments.  I let my arms dangle by my side, almost afraid of what might happen or what I might feel if I were to hug him back.  “I hear what you’re telling me and I do understand.  You’ve been kind of emotional because of your mom the last couple of days and I just remember when your mom died our senior year, you convinced yourself you were in love with me then too.  The feelings will go away in a few days, just like they did then too.” Harry pushed me away from him gently and brushed my hair behind my ear.  He kissed me on the forehead and walked back around to the drivers seat.  I stared at the concrete beneath my feet, stunned.  This wasn’t completely about my mom.  I was older now.  More mature.  I knew what I was feeling.

Or at least I thought I knew.

I dropped down into my seat and sat back.  I stared at the white dashed lines on the road as the Celica passed between them.  The air was tense in the car and it was too silent for my liking.  Leaning forward, I reached for the power button on the radio.

“Scotlan,” Harry said before the music came on. My hand hovered over the power button as I waited for Harry to say what he wanted.  “I don’t mean to just shut you down like that.  I just really do love you and I don’t want us to do anything that could mess up the friendship that we have.”

I raised my hand up, hoping he wouldn’t say anything more.  “Check, please? You’re right, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”

For the rest of the car ride, we didn’t talk.  For the rest of the day, we didn’t talk.  However, like most Friday nights if we weren’t going out, Harry put in a movie – tonight’s choice being the second Sherlock Holmes.  He had a pepperoni pizza delivered to our plac, like usual, he grabbed two bottles of water, also usual, placed himself on one side of the couch with the pizza beside him and left a spot open for me on the other side of the pizza, like he always did.  He didn’t wait for me to sit down to start the movie.  It was almost weird, like he was giving me the silent treatment while still acknowledging me.   I wasn't so much watching the movie as I was watching him out of the corner of my eye.  I could see him occasionally looking my direction, taking a bite of pizza, and then looking back at the TV screen.  He didn't laugh or get excited when his favorite parts came up.  Instead, he sat silently and chewed on his pizza indifferently.  

Around 9, my phone buzzed.  It took me a moment to realize it was a phone call instead of a text so I hurriedly swiped the screen before it went to voicemail.