Shattered World

Chapter 2 - August 19, 2016

   It's two days later sense the first day of school. Travis is sitting there at the lunch table with all of them, looking down, staring at his phone. Listening to music and playing random things, occasionally looking through his photos. He still can't get those thoughts out of his mind. [You know she doesn't love you.] They wont go away. [She clearly loves someone else.] He just can't stop thinking about it. It's killing him.

   He's living a nightmare, he's torturing himself, hurting himself. No one notices, or so he thinks. Someone might notice, they might care, but as far as he knows, no one cares, and no one knows. So he fights everything alone, upset and hurt. Constantly re-opening, and making new cuts and scars. Destroying his arm, giving the voices what they want. Hating himself and everything. Shaking, crying. Every night, not a single soul notices. 

  The voices are screaming at him. Yelling at him. Echoing all the time in his mind. He sits there, head down, hood up, ignoring anything and everything on the outside. Travis has this little safe place in his mind, but it doesn't every really hope because it's full of lies that will never come true. So he just continues to go insane, screaming and crying, dying. He sits there at the lunch table, with all this going on, relapsing in his mind over and over and over. 

  Whenever he looks up, he sees the one he feels could make it all better, the girl he wants to help him, the girl he wishes they would notice. But he doesn't make a sound, doesn't say a thing, he just sits there, dealing with it. Fighting himself, not saying a word. Wishing he could get out of this, out of all of it. But doesn't just want to end everything. Yet at the same time wants to. But he's too afraid to, too afraid he'll hurt the one he doesn't want to hurt. Her. She's the one he can't hurt. It would kill Travis too much if he hurt this person. Ever to make her upset, make her cry, anything that isn't happy or good, it would kill him. 

   So he keeps to himself, letting this girl live her life all fine. He does get upset when she hangs out with other people and doesn't make too much of a plan to hang with him, but he deals with it, leaving her be. As he sits here with his head down, thinking about everything, he doesn't notice her move over and sit next to him. She tries to talk to him a few times, not knowing that he has his earbuds in, so she pokes him in the arm. 

  "Travis?" She asks. He lifts his head a little to look at her and takes a earbud out to hear her voice. "How are you doing?" She asks. 

   "I'm okay." [No you're not]  "Doing fine I guess?" [Why do you lie to yourself so much.] 

   "Are you sure?" She asks.

   Travis responds, "Yes, I'm sure." [Lies, lies. That's all you'll ever tell, you never tell the truth] The bell rings, Travis stand up, once again trying to talk off alone. But she grabs his sleeve, asking if he would walk with her again. So he walks with her, and the other girl that's in his way, Kylee. She's in his way, but why, why is his mind doing this. [She's the problem, do something about it] But instead the same thing happens again. Beside the one, then behind them both, that's where he stays, because he doesn't deserve to be next to her, near her, with her. She doesn't need to be anywhere around him. 

   As they get back to their classes, Travis stops where he should, right in front of his class, the two girls continue walking like they do. Then there she goes again, telling Travis bye or something, then smiling and giving a little wave thing. Travis doesn't pay too much attention to it, he's more stuck on his music and the voices, the screaming terrifying voices.  So he continues on with his day, pondering on what's going on with his mind. 

   Then all out of no where, during six period, [You're not important.] Standing in front of class giving a presentation. [You're not loved. You know that.]  "As you can see here, the destruction of the depression is..." [Theyre judging you, why don't you notice.]  "...the destruction of the deppression is really bad, it destroyed many families and life's." [You know Ali doesn't love you, she doesn't even care about you.] "May I go to the restroom?" 

   "I guess you may if you really need to go that badly. Jordan, go finish your groups presentation." Mr Kincaid says.

   [Oh look at you, running off so you can just cut into your wrist. Look at how pathetic you are] "SHUT UP!" Travis yells, smashing his fist into the brick wall. "Oh god, I hope no one heard me." He whispers to himself as he grabs his hand. "Fuck it, I'll give the voices what they want." He grabs the blade out of his little box he carries around, sliding the blade across his skin. One cut, two cut, three. "There, it's done." [Yyyeesss, that's right. Do what you're told. You're not in control and you know it.] 

   He cleans up his arm, then goes and returns to class as Jordan finishes the presentation. The bell rings, and Travis continues his day like normal, even with the pain on his arm every time someone grabs or rubs his sleeve, or if he bumps something with his arm. He just tells people he should a little sore if they ask what's bothering him. As the day ends, he just thinks about how bad he is, even with how nice he has it, even though he doesn't see it as that. 

   Travis goes home, crying himself to sleep once more when he gets home. Listening to music as he sleeps. Wishing she would just notice, just have the same feeling he had. Wishing he didn't have to be like this. Wishing he wasn't here.