I was trying to stay positive about life. But my grandfather gad just died, I was veey close to him. And there were rumors about me going around, saying I'm a hoe and people said I just was not worth anything. I don't know why I would have been considered a hoe, I was never with anyone. I was always alone well until someone started be interested in me. His name was Dagan. We became friends and we talked all the time and he had a girlfreind already but I stayed his friend. I mean yes I liked him but I didn't wanna make anyone heart broken because of my butterflies.
Eventually they broke up and I was there for him. I comforted him so he wasn't so upset. Months passed by and we just got closer by each passing day and so we decided to go on a date to the movies. At the movies we kissed. And we made out a little bit honestly. I was so nervous though, I tried to stay confident because guys like confidence I guess..ha. We began going steady I guess that's what you call it or dating or whatever you want to call it. Everyone has different names for stuff.
I was so in love or at least that's what I thought it was and I thought that's what he thought too. But life and time has a great way of proving me wrong. We were going steady or dating for nearly a year and we told each other we loved each other and between my little time gap quite a bit happened. For one I found out who he really was behind his disguise, he wasn't that loving person I thought he was, but tried to make it work because I was so blinded by love or whatever that feeling is. Like is love even real. Who knows. Second off I gave him all of me. And by that I mean made love, had sex, or whatever you call it. When it happened I was thinking well it will be ok because we are going to stay together because he loves me and I love him. I was so naive I couldn't see what was happening. It was right in my face but no I couldn't see it. When it happened it made since but now I just don't understand what I was thinking. And three I promise myself that I will not stay in an abusive relationship. I know people say that its dumb to stay in the first place but its different when you're in the situation. I even said I would never be in that kind of relationship, I said I was punch him back and leave. But its so hard when you are actually in it, you feel like you did something wrong and you deserve to be treated that way. No one deserves to be treated that way in a relationship no matter what they did, it is not ok. And I will not stand for it again.
But when we were close to making a year he broke my heart. Out of nowhere, in a text he said he didn't know if we were going to work out. And just an hour before we were laughing over the phone and everything was fine. We broke up through a text while I was in the hospital with my grandmother, who I thought was dying, and he had to leave me then. Of all times in the most rude way, he couldn't tell me to my face. No over a text.
I didn't want my grandmother to worry so I ranked to the bathroom ad the tears were streaming down my face. I could not stop myself from crying. When I cleaned up my face I walked out of the hospital room and went to the window and sat down on the window seel. I plugged my earplugs into my phone and just listened to music while staring out into the darkness of the night. The only good thing to come from that night was that I knew who was there for me. My mom called me and we talked while I was in the bathroom trying to stop my tears and one of my close friends now Connor called me and texted me, trying to comfort me. That night I thought some bad thoughts, and by that I mean death. My death. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do without him. Without Connor I don't know where I would be. I don't know if I would even be here. He doesn't realize how much he truly helped me.
