Alren Imagines

I Hate You, I Love You

Lauren POV

Toe to toe.                                            Face to face.

We stand chest to chest, not speaking; just staring in each other's eyes. She was angry with me, I was angry with her. We were mad at each other.I just couldn't figure out one thing.

Why in the hell am I mad at her?

I could see the frustration in her eyes and if I looked any deeper, I could see her soul and how hurt she was. And it's killing me because I'm the one who hurt her.

We stand here before each other, and I can see her eyes water and a fresh batch of tears beginning to fall. I watch as she takes her sight off me and looks down to wipe her eyes. She then steps back and sits on the arm of the couch, and soft sniffles is all that I hear.

I bite my lip ashamed, watching her cry in her hands because of me.

I did this to her. I hurt her to the point where tears form. It should not be like that. But it is.

And it's my fault.

I put my hands behind my back and exhale deeply, biting the inside of my jaw. I'm not sure what to say, what to do, or if I need to open my mouth at all. I want to hold her, but I'm afraid she'll push me away. I want to say I'm sorry, but I'm afraid she won't accept it. And I've said it over a hundred times today and if I say it now; and I actually mean it, she won't believe me. I've said it so much that if I were her, I'd think I was just saying it to get me to shut up.

It's hurts to know that my next move is out the door with my bags. Oh she's going to send me packing. This is my third strike.

I myself don't know why I cheated. I wish I knew. And what's funny is, I say I don't know because the reason I cheated, had nothing to do with Ally or our relationship. It had everything to do with me trying to prove a point. It's hard to explain. But now that I'm about to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me, I've realized that I don't have to prove not a damn thing to anybody. It's not worth me losing her. Ally. My baby. My lover. My soulmate. My world.

My everything.

"La-"I hear her croak out between her hurt that  comes out disguised as her tears.I watch her give her self a moment to breathe and clear her throat before her soft voice says,"Lauren, I hate you..."

It felt like a bullet through my chest hearing her say that. It literally hurt like hell when I heard her say that. She said in a way as if it was killing her.

Hate is such a strong word, as she used to always tell me. So when she said it, it was obvious that she meant it. And that is what made it worse.

She then opens her mouth moments before she says,"But I love you so much. I hate that I love you more than anything in this world because-" she pauses to breathe again. I can tell that it is hard for her to speak; to speak to me with the way I was talking to her and the things I was calling her; none of it I meant.I could tell it was hard for her to even at this moment be in same room as me. I know she probably wish I was dead, damn her saying she loves me so much. She said she hates that she loves me so much. That's a signal to me that she wishes I was dead.

"Lauren you have called me everything but my name over these past few hours. We have fought. We have argued; hell look at this house,"She looks around. You can tell we have thrown things at each other, pushed each other into furniture. She even popped me in the chin with her fist and slapped me a few times. I've brutally pushed her, I won't even lie. I have pushed her, shoved her into furniture, and when she slapped me, I blacked out and slapped her back. I wasn't thinking, clearly. Her slap was so unexpected and caught me so off-guard that my reflex reacted quickly and I couldn't help it.