A Loaded Smile

Chapter Three : What Were You Thinking?!

* Tommy POV *

His hands ran down my sides, lips pressed hard against my skin. I shuddered at the pure ecstasy coursing through my veins. It was like a natural high that was overwhelming every sense in my body. His scent, his touch, his taste.

He breathed lightly on my ear, then grazing his teeth, nibbling lightly. I moaned. How could something so small feel so incredible? His luscious lips swept along the line of my jaw and then attacked mine, viciously devouring my body. He slipped in his tongue, muffling my now loud cries. His hands travelled lower, nearing my groin. The tension in my pants was starting to grow, becoming uncomfortable. I squirmed in his grasp as he pinned my arms above my head.

" Don't move Glitterbaby." His smirk was so devious as he trailed wet kisses down my chest, to my navel, lingering for a minute at the hem of my pants, then undoing the button and slowly unzipping them. He looked up at me again before rubbing my now hardened length over my boxer briefs. I let out a small whimper. He chuckled a bit. " Does that feel good baby?" I nodded, knowing words would only come out in a mumbled mess.

He slipped down my pants and boxer briefs, I was at his mercy. He kissed my shaft, teasing me. The need in my chest was almost unbearable. I wanted it, him, right now. " Please!" I begged, struggling to keep my hands from reaching down to touch him.

" Do you want it Glitterbaby?" I nodded again. He licked slowly upwards first, circling the tip with his tongue. Then closed his wet lips around me, sucking hard.

" Oh! Adam yes!"

I sat up in bed, sweating, panting. It was dark, what had just happened? What was going on? My eyes scanned the room, I was in the Hotel. It was only a dream...

None the less I was having hot fantasies about Adam fucking me? What the Hell was wrong with me? I thought after last night, telling him that I was having feelings for guys, that these feelings and thoughts would finally go away. They've only gotten worse, much worse. How was I going to get rid of this? It was pure torture having to keep this all locked up. I had too though. Like I've told myself a million times, it will NEVER work. He's my best friend. That's it. That's all. Get over it !

Still my heart didn't listen to my mind. My body didn't want to listen either. I didn't want to feel any of this anymore, could I just make it disappear the way I used to? No. I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn't let that happen anymore.

This was different though.

This was a horrid infectious disease that dried up every fibre of my being, killing me. It was slow but aggressive. If I didn't do something to help myself now then I wouldn't last much longer. Why is it the thing I think I love will surely bring me pain?

Whatever. I can't do this anymore.

I threw the comforters off my still sweating body and scoured the small kitchen for that one thing. It always helps. I opened cupboards and drawers but there was nothing. Then I saw it. The block on top of the fridge, just out of my reach. Why were they all the way up there? What kind of an idiot does that? I slid the chair from the kitchen table over, shaking knees, climbing up and my fingers bringing the block to the edge and then I had to stand on my toes to grab it all. Being extra careful it didn't fall and kill me.

Sitting back down on the chair I took the long silver blade out, running my finger over the edge, testing how sharp it was. It was so familiar in my hands it scared me, was I really going to do this? Yes. There wasn't a moments hesitation when I brought the blade to the bare, scarred skin on my wrist. Taking a deep breath I clenched my fist and dragged it over, watching the red drip down my arm.