Sometimes Smiles Aren't True

Part VII: Convincing Myself

"I'm worthless. I'm useless. No one loves me. No one cares. No one ever did care. I'm trapped. I'm alone. No one would notice if I was gone. No one would care if I was gone. Mabye it's better if it's so." I say to myself while rocking back and forth on the floor of my room. I can feel myself cracking like glass. A matter of time before I shatter. It's been a while since we last visited. I have done new things to show you. I have scars now. Three on each arm. It hurt at first, but then I felt like I needed it. As punishment for what I've done. I let Anna die..... "I deserve this," I tell myself as I take out the knife in my locked dresser. "No one will care what will happen to me. I'm just a worthless example of a human being. Meaningless....." I drag the knife across my skin tearing the fragile barrier on my body. It stings. I can see the blood form on my arm then seep slowly down my forearm. My stomach rumbles and I feel hungry, but I can't eat. I don't deserve it. I never have. I've gotten skinnier then I already was. What makes it better is that nobody has noticed my changes. I wear a long-sleeve to cover my arms during school. I continue taking to myself and telling myself I'm not wanted. I was never wanted. I am a mistake. I don't feel happy anymore. I don't remember when I last did. If I haven't said, this is four weeks after my first encounter with Vannessa. I barely eat. Only enough to make sure I don't die. Not just yet. I'm not done. But yet there's a strange yet accepted voice in my head telling me these things, and taking away the person I once was. This voice is accepted.......and it draws me closer to my death......toward the rope hanging from the ceiling...