Moves Like Jaeger (a Fem!Eren AU story)

C02--Some Interesting Neighbors...

Erena glowered at her omelette. She didn't much care for mushrooms and Munster cheese, and from the looks of the damn thing it had both. Honestly! She appreciated the fact that Mikasa made this for her (not that she'd ever admit to such a thing, of course), but for pity's sake why did Mikasa make things she didn't like eating?! Damn it all to hell...

Her older twin Eren (only older, as Erena pointed out loudly and often enough, by a mere three minutes) was up to his usual shit-mouthing again. His what-the-hell-is-that-flavored Pop Tarts sat untouched as he railed on and on and on ad nauseum about Wallrose Senior High School's most hated rivals, both Gakuen Hetalia Academy across the street from the school AND Ryouko High just up the street.

"I swear to god, Armin, this year I'll join the football team, and we're gonna KILL those f***ing Gakuen Hetalia Titans! And those Bruins bastards up at f***ing Ryouko! And I'm gonna see to it that I do. Ain't that right, Mikasa?"

Erena knew Mikasa didn't give a damn one way or the other. As such, even she could predict verbatim what she'd say: "Shut up and eat your Pop Tarts."

Armin Arlert, the blonde scholarly boy to whom Eren's latest rant was directed, nervously toyed with a pencil as he pondered his French toast. "But Eren, you know what Jakey would say about that, right?"

"Aaaaah, who gives a shit about what Jakey says? I'm gonna f*** 'em up! Hard!"

Mikasa literally face-tabled. "Good grief, Eren, will you stop cussing so much? You're not gonna date a girl with that language, thank you very much."

Erena smirked. "Unless he wants to stick his dick up Levi's ass."

Eren let out a strangled noise of some kind at that. Mikasa muttered something about "cruel fate" and "potty-mouthed siblings" into the tablecloth.

Armin continued his argument. "Gakuen has a potential NFL athlete in Alfred F. Jones, who, as Jakey points out often to you and anyone else, has 14,500 passing yards and 134 touchdown passes in three years--records not for his school but also the state. He's verbally committed to the University of Texas in Austin, and according to Jakey, an ESPN 300 prospect. So while Ryouko High may not pose a problem, Gakuen, by default, will. Especially considering that they're going for their fourth consecutive state title this season..."

Erena by now had started to eat her omelette. She looked up at her brother and sneered. "So much for your revenge, huh, dumbass? Our team sucks balls." She took a swig of the coffee she always had, but before she could properly enjoy it...

"UHP, GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS..."

She gagged on her coffee for a good minute. What the hell...?

The voice carried on in that same bat-shit annoying tone. "GUESS WHAT DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY IT IS!!!"

It didn't take Erena long to figure out the intruder's identity. Ah yes, that annoying as bat-shit neighbor with the Detroit fetish--a suicidal stunt to pull in Twins and Vikings territory, given the neighbors' disposition towards him (and which Eren, much as he denied it vehemently, found common ground with him on). Horseface Kirschtein's cousin or something, wasn't it? "Goddammit, Jakey, do you HAVE to sound like a f***ing foghorn?!"

Jakey didn't answer, but instead carried on with his usual routine. He seemed to be in his really happy mood today. There was one thing Erena was thankful for: he was easy to figure out emotionally, seeing that he was either really happy (almost hyper) or really pissed off. There was no middle ground with Jakey. "Hey Erenerenereneren, guess what day it is!"

"F*** off!" Mikasa glared at him.

"Armin, I know you know what day it is..."

Armin nodded. "It's the first of school, right, Jakey?"

By way of an answer the only thing the intruder said was, "School DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!"

 Yep, he was in one of his better moods. Erena took it that his Tigers mauled the shiznit out of somebody the previous night. Otherwise he would NOT be acting like this. But then, Jakey was a sort of chick magnet, though you couldn't really tell by the (somewhat) expanding paunch he sported. She figured it had a lot to do with his being a two-sport Olympic god or some shit like that. It wasn't that he was ugly, not by any means (he was handsome in his own I-don't-give-a-shit kind of way). It's just that he had the reputation of being... a man-whore. A really well-liked man-whore, mind you, but a man-whore nonetheless. Erena would never admit this to anyone (least of all him), but she oftentimes wondered if AIDS or herpes would be the way he'd die, he was that big a man-whore.