How to Make Friends... With Benefits

Chapter Seven: Precious Life

JOSHUA

Arthur and Helena still hadn't got back to normal in the time that they had been with us, which was now turning into two long and wretched weeks. They had been dragged to and from the police station, their school work had been thrown to the side, they barely ate any food, and when asked what happened they wouldn't speak. Until one night when Helena and Sarah were asleep and only Arthur and I were on the couch watching reruns of American Horror Story.

I asked the question and he looked at me dead on, no emotions came through when he spoke the horrible words coming through his mouth. His voice didn't shake and his voice never wavered, "my father put a gun to my mom's head and pulled the trigger. He put the gun to his mouth and shot himself in the head." His eyes clouded, "they left us, left us with PTSD and no other relatives to claim us."

I didn't say anything, I mean, he's already heard the 'it gets better' spiel everyone says over a million times. I've heard it a ton of times too, so there was nothing I could say and it killed me.

He looked at me, a smile playing at his lips, "I'm just as pathetic as you now. Our lives were fleeting, they were getting better. Helena had just gotten off her depression pills and I had found something, you, that wasn't self-loathing and sadistic to my health. And then," he shrugged and laughed silently, tears brimming his eyes, "it all went to hell and I'm stuck in a whirlwind of emotions."

I shuffled my weight over to Arthur and put my arm around his shoulders and kissed his forehead, "as hellish as your life is right now, you have me and Sarah, and we have both of you." He nodded and sighed heavily before resting his head in the knook oh my shoulder and drifted off into a restless sleep.

We woke to the sound of merciless crying, not coming from Helena but from Sarah. I instantly jumped to the one conclusion that I wasn't prepared for, Arthur removed himself from my shoulder as I jumped up to run to Sarah. When I got to her, her freshly applied eyeliner was streaming down her face.

"Joshua," she said breathlessly, "run to the hospital, run and say goodbye, she has minutes left, a car wouldn't make it. Just go!" Helena stood right behind me, looking as terrified as a deer in the headlights. I pushed passed her and ran out the door.

It was sunny and calm, no wind was blowing and the first rays of sunlight hit the sky with no clouds to be shown.

I ran passed the school where my mom had first dropped me off in Kindergarten, the quickstore where I fell over and bruised my leg and she had to take me home, the park where when she watched me, her smile was as radiant as the sun, and then the hospital lay in front of me, it looked horrible, like an animal baring its fangs, it terrified me. I ran into the lobby where the receptionist instantly recognized me and threw me a badge. I ran up the stairs to her floor as the doctor opened the door to her room. He saw me and let me pass.

I looked at my mother. Her frail body limp and pale. She looked at me with a forced and painful smile. She lifted a hand to greet me. I was sweating and breathing hard and rushed to her side and took her hand. Tears were already falling to the floor as I looked at her powerless body.

"Joshua," she breathed in barely a whisper, "my sweet boy, you came to see me." Her eyes batted slowly and revealed glassed over pale green eyes.

I heaved in a breath, "mom, I had to see-" a sob choked the words from my mouth, I couldn't talk, "I had to see you."

She smiled and slowly put a hand to my face and caressed it slowly, "I love you. No matter what happens to you or what you do, I will always love you." I nodded and looked over to the monitor, it was already flatlining.

I breathed in before telling her what had happened in the last week, "I got a boyfriend. His name is Arthur, he's so beautiful and you'd love him; he's a total dork. The new Star Wars movie came out, I finally watched it and it was amazing. Wren, my friend from elementary, has a girlfriend now. I screwed Arthur two weeks ago, it was great, don't worry we used protection and shit. I had your favorite ice cream yesterday, it was just as good as you'd remember it," my words jumbled together and I wasn't even sure if she understood anything at that point. "I love you, mom." I kept on repeating it, she smiled and nodded, but I kept saying it as tears now made it impossible to talk. The beeping was now all but one long note, signifying her death.

I swallowed hard to keep in a blood curling scream so sorrowful and pathetic it would seem like a child was crying. I was starting to hyperventilate as I peered over her body and collapsed and began to cry incessantly. The doctor had to force me off of her and pushed me back. A nurse came in and took me away slowly. I couldn't see straight as I heard someone that sounded a lot like Arthur, the person took me from the nurse and guided me to the entrance of the hospital and to a car.

I kept crying. It seemed like forever but the car stopped and Arthur guided me up the stairs and into our apartment. After that, I don't remember much. I remember Sarah coming up to me and hugging me, Arthur trying to make me eat, Helena giving me multiple boxes of tissue, and then sleep took over.

I remember her smile, her radiant green eyes and her flowing blonde hair. I remember the first time I saw her cry when dad left us. I remember when she finally could laugh normally again after so long when I made milk run down my nose. I remember her gnawing at me for hours on information for my first big school test.

She was so beautiful. I remember when she first told me about Sarah and how she thought she looked so pretty and 'absolutely the hottest person on the planet, besides me.' I can still picture the first time I met Sarah and how mom was so anxious as to what I'd say. I remember when we would have movie nights and she could recite all the words to Star Wars and American Horror Story and how she'd belt out the lyrics to any Beatles, U2, or Queen song.

It seemed so long ago. The pain was still imminent in my chest and the memories still fresh in my mind. I couldn't grasp that she was gone, I would never see her smile again and I would never hear one of her crappy puns again. She was gone, never to be seen again. And I hadn't appreciated her as much as I should have.

Her life was more precious than I had given her credit for, and I hated myself for it.