How to Make Friends... With Benefits

Chapter Eight: Going Away

ARTHUR

When Joshua woke up, he was different. The way he acted, even the way he slept was different than before. The weeks after the passing of his mom were a blur, a joint funeral for my parents and his mom were held at the local church and only few spectators came for their passing.

There wasn't much we could do, Joshua began to close himself off and apparently decided to learn how to drive in that time, he would only speak when he needed to and would bang me whenever he wanted to. I didn't mind, we were both hurting and it took the pain away. Sarah and Helena had decided to go on a vacation to get away from everything. They had asked Joshua and I if we wanted to go but we kindly declined and said it was best if we stayed here for now. They seemed to understand and took a trip to Finland, where some of Sarah's relatives lived.

We were alone for the majority of their trip. School was out due to summer vacation so we had nothing to do. We mostly drove around the back country and went sight seeing out of boredom. But just as Joshua began to inch out of his depression and start to laugh at my clumsiness, it all came crashing down on him again.

I had wanted to go to the ocean, just the two of us. I missed the old us that Joshua would pull a prank and I would act all flustered. There was no fun anymore in our relationship, mostly pain but it was odd, we still loved each other just as much. I packed a bag with a change of clothes for both of us because Joshua wouldn't be bothered with something so tedious.

We got in the car, Joshua looked at me and I immediately smelled something I hadn't smelled in a very long time.

"I think you're wearing too much cologne," I said in barely a whisper. He smiled and put the car in reverse and pulled onto the road.

We were driving when it happened. I was messing with the radio station as Joshua hummed a Metalica song to himself as we drove up to the intersection. When the light turned green we started to accelerate to the given speed limit when a Dodge pick-up truck rammed into my side of the car.

We went screeching sideways, glass covered the entirety of my body and the car as I let out a scream. I didn't see what Joshua had done but he immediately slammed on the brakes and we came to a rearing halt. There was deafening pain in my lower back and chest. My head felt light and wet and I could hear my heartbeat ringing in my ears. I was losing conscious and saw out of the corner of my eye that we were spinning, I tried to move but-

JOSHUA

Fucking amatuer drivers, god, who the fuck do they think they are?! I looked over to Arthur, the right side of his head was bleeding and cut and scraps of glass were embedded on the side of his skull. I panicked. His head lolled to one side as I saw his eyes dim. I could almost see his body shut off all functions in one second.

Grabbing his shoulders, I tried to shake him wake with no avail. When I checked for a pulse he had none, I tried to see if he was breathing but didn't see the rise or fall of his chest. People began rushing to my car and asking if I needed help. I told them to call an ambulance. They nodded and quickly called the fire station.

In due time the ambulance came and took me, Arthur, and the dickhead driving the pickup to the hospital. I looked at Arthur in the gurney, his body was limp and was already turning pale, the monitor had flatlined, its sound piercing my eardrums with its incessant ringing.

I hated that ringing. The death sentence that quietly worked away, that set everything in stone. The red line that kept people alive and then suddenly killed them. That ringing would be the death of me, quite literally, and I couldn't bare to hear it one more time.

Arthur, my sweet Arthur, was dead. My head spun in a million directions, my heart beat in a radical pulse of random beats as I slowly began to grow numb. No tears were shed and no pain was felt. The inside of me was dead to emotions. And surprisingly, I was okay with that.

I would never see the two most important people alive or smiling again. My whole life would be a monotone of boring people that would never scratch the surface of what I had become. I was dead inside.

Fuck.

The funeral happened a week after his death. Flowers were sent from loved ones across the states that 'couldn't be there due to other circumstances.' Yeah right, they just didn't have any guts to say they had no sympathy or intentions to ever come to his family's funerals. There weren't a lot of people attending the funeral actually; Wren and Akira were there in the back, obviously heartbroken. They didn't come and talk to me but I got a text from Wren the next day saying sorry.

Sarah and Helena had rushed back from Finland to see Arthur off. Helena screamed at me, her only emotion towards me now was hardening hate that would never be broken, I don't blame her. Sarah didn't say anything but she let me have the space I obviously needed.

The church it was being held at was old and brisk. Arthur's casket was lying in the middle of the room, its gold and black designs glinting in the waning sunlight. The ceremony seemed to drag on as the sermon spoke of how great Arthur was. The pastor made his speech and then it was over. Sympathizers came over to me and apologized for my loss but I wasn't listening.

The people dispersed and then it was just me and Arthur's lifeless body. I walked up to him, curling my fingers into a ball of rage, I placed my hands on the casket's darkened wood. I breathed in shakily. My eyes lingered on his body clasping the rose in his hands. His brown hair was swept back and his cheeks pale and hollow. I cringed, this wasn't Arthur, this wasn't my Arthur. I fought back a choking sob that would inevitably crush me.

"Why," I paused, "this isn't fair. I was doing so well, my life... it was getting better," my voice cracked and I leaned down to see him more closely, "I swear it was getting better. Why did you have to... die?" My hand brushed against his cold face one last time.

"Goddammit Arthur, why did I have to love you so much?"