HTYLBF » jaeseong

X

X. the barbed wire around your heart disappears

Inseong and I can hardly look at each other the next day, and I hate it. I hate how whenever I glance at him, he's actively avoiding my gaze. I hate how he keeps dragging his feet and biting his lip. Finally, during math, I decide to break the barrier between us. I can't take it anymore.

"Inseong, don't be nervous. Your crush would be stupid to reject you." I didn't mean for it to sound so forceful, but I think it serves as a shock to him; he jolts a little and finally looks at me. His smile is more like a grimace, but at least it's something.

"I-I'll confess after school," he says, dropping his gaze once more. He taps his pencil against his desk and I try to ignore the ugly jealousy inside me.

"Don't wait too long or you'll never do it."

"I will, I promise."

I don't know why it sounds like such a direct statement.

I spend the whole day in a haze of pain, sadness, and an obsession with the barbed wire analogy. Finally, last period ends, and I head to my locker. Just a few moments later, Inseong appears. His ears are red like they are when he's about to do something he's unsure of. He's breathing heavily and I can hear the tremor running through each exhale.

"Inseong, why aren't you tracking down Perfect Boy?" I ask. For a second, his entire body stills. Then, he takes a deep breath and the world explodes into motion and sound.

"Because I'm looking at him, you idiot!"

Then he grabs a fistful of my shirt and pulls me toward him, and the next thing I know, our lips are colliding and I'm not sure if this is real life. I push my hands up through his hair, running my fingers through the silky strands in the exact way I had never allowed myself to imagine.

And God, his lips feel so incredible, soft and pushing against mine. The oxygen around us is going up in flames and I pull away to gasp for air. I realize that his arms are wrapped around me, and I can finally look into his eyes without feeling any pain.

We're both smiling, and I feel like I'll never stop.

"Kim Inseong you dumbass, why wouldn't you just tell me how you felt?" I demand, unable to shake my wide grin. He pulls me to his chest in a tight hug, and his arms make me feel so... sound.

"Why wouldn't you tell me how you felt?"

"I was afraid," I mumble. I pull away from the hug and look at him, and for the first time in seven years, I can breathe deeply when I do so.

"I was, too."

"I'm such an idiot," I exclaim. Inseong grins, and I smile, too. Now it feels okay, it feels justified. He kisses my forehead and I think my heart might burst; it feels as though it might float away.

"And to think," he says as we finally gather our things, "I was actually describing you and you didn't realize it was you. As soon as I saw you today, I knew you felt the same way about me."

I punch his arm, and we exit the school.

"Why did you wait all day to confess, then?" I demand.

"Because seeing you jealous was so funny."

"I'm cancelling my feelings for you," I say. Inseong snorts and leans over, plants a kiss on my cheek. It's a sweet, teasing, hesitant gesture.

"Well then," he says. "Lee Jaeyoon, will you be my boyfriend?"

I sigh heavily. "As if I could say no."

"How long have you been uncontrollably in love with me?" Inseong asks, smirking with annoyingly mirthful eyes.

"For most of our friendship, actually. Pathetic, right?"

"Nah. Besides, when I realized that my feelings for you had changed, I did literally everything to make sure of what I was feeling," he laughs. "I asked my mom, I Googled a bunch of embarrassing questions, everything."

We reach his car and he opens my door for me.

"So you couldn't be a gentleman when we were friends?" I ask, getting in. He starts the car.

"No, because according to an article I read, chivalry only surfaces in someone who's whipped."

I punch his shoulder as he pulls out of the parking lot.

The empty space in my chest left by an assumed unrequited love is no longer vacant; I can't feel anything past the giddy happiness.

The barbed wire is gone.