Think Of Me

Epilogue

Aaron’s mother and father had attended Jeanna’s funeral, their hearts full of sorrow and worry for their eldest son. His mother had called to check on him countless times after they had returned to Middletown. His brother, Jon, had decided to move in with him, making himself a bed on the couch. He watched after his older brother, afraid he would do something irrational.

Weeks later, Aaron sat alone in his bedroom, wearing three day old clothes and staring at the small box in his hands. The scruff on his face had grown uncontrollably. His once bright and vibrant blue eyes had dulled and aged. He hadn’t left the apartment since the funeral, already having to take a personal leave from Next to Normal. He suddenly felt his mortality.

He couldn’t seem to process that he was alone and that Jeanna was never coming back. The sound of medical and police sirens still echoed in his ears. He had been taken in for questioning even though the authorities had the note that Jacqui had written. Search parties had been released to find Risa, though there was no sign of her anywhere. He was beginning to lose hope. He had failed Jeanna by bringing Jacqui into their lives. Losing their child was even worse, making Aaron feel like a total failure.

“It was getting better,” he whispered, his dry lips cracking with each word. He flipped open the ring box, his eyes focusing on the marquise cut diamond. He hadn’t been given a chance. Angrily, he snapped the box closed and threw it across the room. It’s all my fault.

Gloomily, he stumbled into the kitchen and took a short, thick glass off the shelf, slipping a few pieces of ice into it before pouring himself a generous swallow of bourbon. He brought the glass to his lips and downed it all, grimacing slightly as it burned his throat. He quickly had another. It seemed to be the only way to numb reality.

After a while the kitchen started to blur and spin and Aaron put the bottle down. Somehow he found his way to the couch. In his stupor, he pushed aside the blanket and pillow Jon had been using on the couch and lied down and managed to turn the television on.

~*~

The next morning, Aaron woke to find himself in his bed. His head was pounding and the memories of last night’s diversion came flooding back to him. Slowly, Aaron threw the duvet off his body and sat up. He groaned, the motion making his head hurt worse. A glass of water and bottle of Advil rested on his bedside table, probably due to Jon. He must have helped move Aaron to his bed when he got home.

“Aaron?” Jon lightly rapped on the door. “Can I come in?”

Aaron grunted his acceptance as he twisted the Advil bottle open.

Jon proceeded cautiously. “Do you think you’re ready to go back to the show yet?” The hollow look in his brother’s eyes made him regret his words. It had been weeks since Jeanna’s passing and Risa’s disappearance… he had hoped that getting Aaron back into the normal day-to-day functions would help him heal. “Maybe we can just take small steps… you want to go with me to the grocery store?”

Aaron grunted, taking another gulp of water before running his hands down his face and over the hairs of his full beard. Somewhere inside him, Aaron knew he had to move on. But it just wasn’t going to be that easy. Not only had he lost the love of his life, but he had lost his baby. Her baby. Tears stung his eyes and he pressed his palms to his closed eyelids, trying to keep them from spilling. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “I need to shower.”