Giving up my humanity

Chapter 26~ The Ugly Truth

Their chest rised and fall. I could feel their beating hearts and their pumping blood going through their hearts.Though they slept in different rooms I could feel all of them at the same time. All of them sleeping soundly; like angels. Jacob's hair had gotten longer and his face was more mature.

"I'm sorry for putting such a burden on your shoulders, Jake. I will never forgive myself for that. You weren't suppose to worry about anything and now you're the oldest and you look after them." I whispered in his ear. I stroked his hair lightly so I wouldn't wake him up. "I will always be with you no matter what, Jake. Be strong for the rest as I was. I love you so much... sleep well."

I went to the next room which was Daniel's the second oldest after Jacob. He slept in an awkward position with his feet and hands sticking out of the bed. I chuckled lightly at the sight.

"Danny boy." I said as I positioned him right. He mumbled.

"Emily." He sighed in his sleep, my chest tighten.

"Shh... be nice to Jacob, he's only trying to do his duty as the oldest brother. Listen to him, do it for me. I love you, Danny boy." I kissed his forehead and disappeared into the next room; to James'.

James was the boy really attached to me. He saw me as a mother and sister because I took care of him when he was sick. He had some kind of thing called Asthama but the medicine he was receiving, thanks to Evelyn, was making things better. James was in a normal position as he always was. I smiled.

I doubled over to his level. I fixed his hair like I always did.

"Be good, James. Do great in school so you can be somebody in life, so your children can have a better future. I'll be watching over you, always." I whispered. I give him a kiss on the cheek and looked one last time at my brother.

Finally came Olivia, my special one. I was more than a sister because I fed her and I bathe her whilst my mother was getting drunk with some stranger she just met. Olivia clentched onto her teddy bear. Her blanket was a little low and I saw the goose bumps on her arms. I lifted the covers just under her chin.

By this pointed tears were spilling. I covered my mouth to keep any noise from coming out. But it pained me so much to leave them behind. They were more than my brothers and sister, they were my children. I watched them grow and take their first steps and hear their first words.

My heart began to ache to the point where it was painful to even breathe. I gasped for the needed air. I was on my knees and I leaned my head on the edge of Olivia's bed and I sobbed silently... or so I thought.

"Emily?" Olivia's sweet voice called for me. I lifted my head up and her innocet eyes looked down at me in shock and in hurt. "Am I dreaming?"

I smiled as best I could through the pain. "Yes, Olivia olive." I reached my hand out to touch her face but stopped inches short. She took my hand and she placed her cheek on it.

"I miss you, Emily. Everyone misses. Where did you go? Are you with mommy?" Her eyes twinkling in the darkness of the night.

I nodded. "Yes, mommy says hi and she misses you."

"Why did you leave us, Emily? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, no. You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. Don't you ever for a second think that.. okay?" She nods.

"What happened, why did you leave us?" Olivia asked.

"Because I was a fool in love, Olivia. Now... I want you to go back to sleep and when you wake up you can go on having a normal life." I stroked her cheek and her hair with my other hand.