Life Without My Mate

2

Auntie Emmy finally got home. She had this husband, but he doesn't have a name because he's unimportant. Peaches calls him grape guy, always italicized. So that's what we call him. Even Emmy.

Grape guy offered Venti and I each a five dollar bill. My sister snatched both of the fives, planted one right on my face and stalked over to Emmy, ignoring the husband altogether. "Why did she marry you?" I asked. Grape guy shrugged.

"I haven't the faintest clue. I'm just the insignificant grape guy who she called ugly in the first book."

"That's rough." I offered. I gave him a pat on the shoulder and looked at Donnie, who was giving a bag of white drink mix to Peaches. He mumbled something to her, but she ignored it.

"I've never had this flavour!" she shrieked happily, pouring the drink mix onto her tongue as Donnie screamed at her and called her a dumb *****.

"Peachie!" Emmy screamed, huffing and stomping her foot. "You coulda shared!" Peaches turned around and looked at Emmy. She shrugged, she looked really funny. Her eyes were super big like she just saw Rider James the sex God.

Out of nowhere she got down on all fours and shifted into a werewolf. Donnie screamed and jumped into the grape guy's arms. The grape guy screamed and, with Donnie in hand, jumped into mine. Being seven years old and having the muscle tone of a rat, I caught them and fell down flat on my back. I'm pretty sure I got a chlamydia. But that's a big word and I don't know what it is. I'm sure that's the right word though.

Donnie was mad, he screamed at me and called me a little ***** and smacked me. I burst into tears and asked him how come he had to be such a sissy. He also started to cry, and we hugged it out as I held a bag of frozen peas to my cheek where he slapped me.

"Peaches, get off the floor, you're the ugliest wolf I've ever seen." Venti stared at her fingernails, standing at Emelie's side. "Peaches!"

Our mother looked at her and growled, approaching Venti with her teeth bared. Venti snickered and rolled her eyes and spat in Peaches' eye, took auntie Emmy by the hand and demanded they go for frozen yogurt. Emelie beamed in excitement, bobbed up and down a few times and the two of them left for frozen yogurt.

Just in time for Grand to stump out of the shower. He was wearing his unremarkable fat kid clothes and carrying the instruction manual for the treadmill Venti ordered him to buy with his allowance. "Tall... I don't know what this says." he said sadly. I sighed and rubbed my nose, changing the peas from my cheek to the chlamydia in my brain.

"Grand that's the Chinese side. You're never going to learn Chinese. Read the English side."

"All I can see is engallesh." Grand sighed.

"I'll put together your stupid running machine. You fix Peaches. She ate the drink mix again."

"Mommy, why are you so stupid?" Grand tilted his head.

Grape guy looked to my brother. "We've been wondering that since the first book."