My Country Man

Chapter 23

Pulling into my driveway, I noticed a light on in the living room. Curious and I admit, a little hesitant, as to what it could be, I quickly reassured Molly I would be fine and didn’t need anyone to help me.  Molly waited until I made it inside before pulling out of the driveway.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice.

“Nell is that you?”

That familiar voice belonged to my mother. Walking around the corner, I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight before me. There sat my mother, looking better than I’ve seen her in years to be honest. She was all cleaned up. A natural color filled her cheeks, her eyes didn’t look so sunken in, and she’s lost a reasonable amount of weight.

This is a completely different woman that used to live in my home a few months ago. The changes in her were drastic, but for the better.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Before you throw me out, I just want to let you know something,” She pleads.

I nod my head, signaling her to continue.

 After what happened with Frank, I suddenly realized what a terrible mother I was. Don’t get me wrong, whenever I was sober I was a bad unfit mother, causing me to feel guilty and drink some more. That’s no excuse and I don’t expect you to forgive me but I just want to apologize to you and your brothers for the way I’ve treated you, for the way I’ve neglected you.”

“Where have you been these past few months?” I ask curiously.

“After I saw what Frank did to you, I was so upset. Just the thought that he hurt my baby repulses me…,” she says, trailing off almost as if she was thinking of a memory.

“That night, I specifically remember you defending him.”

“Well, um I just so happened to be high that night. I know that’s a sad excuse, but I feel like Frank had it all planned out to drug me just so he could get to you.”

Trying to process this in my head, I realized it did make somewhat sense. Still doesn’t mean I agree that she should’ve been around drugs, let alone around Frank.

“Anyways, after that night I ended up going to your aunt’s house. We were so close growing up, but we lost touch after, uh you know. She asked me how you and the boys were and right then and there I knew I had to change. I didn’t even know the answer to her question; I’m that bad of a mother I don’t even know how my children are and what’s going on in their lives? I know woman who call their children at least once a day, just to check on them. I lived with you and I couldn’t even figure it out! With much difficulty, I confessed all my wrong doings over the years. To say she was shocked would be an understatement. At first, she didn’t talk to me for a few days, but over time she realized that I was serious about changing. So here I am, trying to fix our relationship and hopefully one day, whenever someone asks me how you, Ben, or Jake are, I can honestly answer without hesitation,” she says, letting out a big sigh of relief, now that all has been said.

I sat there for a long while, just trying to wrap my head around everything she said. For years I’ve wanted to hear an apology, an excuse, something from her just to let me know that she cared. Now that I’ve finally got it, I can’t speak. It’s as if I suddenly lost my voice.

Shaking my head, I once again try and let her know my feelings on the subject.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that? Years, ask the boys. They’ve had to put up with it. Finally, I get an apology and I want to say your forgiven, more than anything in the world, but right now I can’t. You need to earn back the trust that you lost. Not just from me, but from the boys too.”