Murphamy- I'm sorry for not loving you

2

It was two days after I told Murphy about my feelings for him. It felt better knowing that if something happens to me or him, he at least knows this. Suprisingly, telling him changed nothing about our relationship.

I wondered where he was right now. ...Probably making out with Emori. A voice in the back of my head said. I reminded myself that that was totally alright. He was allowed to make out with his girlfriend whenever they want to.

A knock at the door snapped me out of my thoughts. I was in one of the rooms in the big tower of Polis. It was barely lit by a fire that already burnt down, so there was only a gleam from that side of the room. I was sitting on a sofa that was covered in furr. It was pretty late at night, who would come to my room at a time licke this? I wondered. Probably Clarke.

I stood up and walked over to the door. I opened it and saw Murphy  standing there, one hand raised in the air as if he was about to knock for a second time.

"Oh, hey." I said. "What fo you want?"

He hesitated for a moment. "Can I come in first?" He asked.

"Yeah sure." I replied, smiling at him. He didn't look at me as he walked into the room. I frowned. Something was off about him, I didn't know what it was.

I closed the door and picked up some wood, which I then put into the dying fire.

I heard Murphy sigh behind me and I turned around to look at him. "So, why are you here?"

He looked at me and said:"This might sound a little bit weird but I want you to have sex with me."

I gasped."You want WHAT?"

"I said I want to have sex with you." He said calmly.

I couldn't believe it. "I-I c-can't do that. You have a girlfriend Murphy, I-"

He interupted me:"I had a girlfriend. Before that little bitch cheated on me with one of the grounders."

I could tell he was getting angry, even though he tried to hide it. "She did what?"

"Yup. I saw her making out with that guy behind a corner." He said. "Now, will you have sex with me or not?"

"Murphy I can't." I said, giving him an apologetic look.

"And why not? I thought that's what you want!" He was now shouting at me.

"Trust me, it won't help at all."

"And how do you know that?"

"Raven. After she found out about Finn and Clarke, she came to me. It only made it worse for her, I thought it would before we did it, but I didn't care. Free sex is nothing I'd say no to."

"Then why the hell do you say no now?

"Because I care about you." I said while looking into his eyes.

"Oh wonderful!"he shouted, throwing his arms in the air in frustration. "And what do you think I should do?"

"Talk about it." I said.

"That won't help! It'll only feel bad and the result is that I can't stop thinking about it! No thanks!"

"Murphy I-" he interupted me."Shut up! I don't wanna hear what you have to say because it doesn't help me at all! You can jus-" He was cut off because I had pulled him into a tight embrace. He protested at first but slowly began to relax. His head rested on my shoulder and I just held him close. His body was shaking ever so slightly in my arms.

And then I felt something wet at my shoulder. Was he crying? I'venever seen John Murphy cry. He was a tough guy but I guess when he really cares about someone, he can be pretty soft. I could now hear him sob into my shoulder. "It's okay." I said, rubbing my hand up and down his spine. His sobbing only increased in volume. But it was okay I thought. He needed to let it out for once.

I don't know how long we stood there like that. Murphy had stopped crying at one point. It was a nice feeling to hold him in my arms.

He let out a sigh and I could feel the warm air against my neck. He pulled away and looked at me. I couldn't see much because the fire had died down once again, but from what I could see his eyes were reddened from crying.

"Thanks" he said with a small smile. "...and sorry for yelling at you earlier, I know you were just trying to help."

I smiled at him."No problem. I'm always here for you, you know?"

"Yeah. Thanks. There is one more thing: Could I ugh" he rubbed the back of his neck " sleep in your bed tonight? I mean, only if you want. ...I don't want to sleep in emori's room and I don't want to be alone ...so maybe if you wouldn't mind..."

"Murphy you're rambling." He blushed a little. "It's okay. I guess I could use some company too."

"Thank you. "

--------------
--------------

Author's note:

Hi. I hope you enjoyed this chapter if so, please vote. If not, tell me what I could do better. (And sorry if my english is a little bit stiff, I'm not a native speaker)