Out of Body, Out of Mind

Prologue

I woke up to the familiar sound of my alarm. Only, it doesn't feel familiar, it feels strange and distant. Almost as if, I'm not the one who's grabbing my phone so I can press snooze.
I look at my phone and it's 8:01, I sigh then look at my boyfriend.
His face is comforting but I feel dirty. I shouldn't be looking at this boy like that he isn't mine. It's comforting but it's not for me.
I run my fingers along the side of his face and it feels wrong.
I swear I do that every morning. I touch his face run my fingers through his freshly cut hair then I kiss him.
Kissing him makes me feel sick to my stomach. He's not mine, a voice only in my head screams at me. So I kiss him again and he opens his beautiful, kind and warm eyes.
"Hey baby," he says to me and smiles.
Well now I'm just starting to doubt myself, is he actually mine or is this all made up?
The warmth in his eyes is so real, but I'm not. The person that is looking at me shouldn't be looking at me.
I feel like I'm supposed to be sitting on a couch, watching the best thing to ever happen to me be doing this with another woman. I could be making all this up in my head because I want it so bad.
"I love you," I say to him. He smiles and says it back but it still doesn't feel like it's mine.
I think I'm tearing up, on the verge of crying. I feel like I'm intruding in his personal space.
I start to roll over but he stops me.
"Where are you going," he started to say but he finished with "are you okay?"
This beautiful boy, he's mine. Is he mine?
He grabs me and comforts me. "Baby, today I'm taking you to that person I was telling you about.
That's when I started feeling real again. I looked at him and he could tell I was scared.
"Don't worry, baby, I'll go with you and I'll wait in the lounge just for you," he pulled me in closer.
I closed my eyes.