The Journey of an Unheard Girl.

May 13th, 2014

I finally lost it; well my mom thinks I did. After coming to get me from school after my seventh repeated and disruptive panic attack and a very long discussion with the school's social worker, they finally called her. She pulled up in her light blue van and hopped out of the car like nothing was wrong, even thought I could see that whatever we were doing after I leave I'm not going to like it. I was moved out into the office and this boy, Austin, was there and man was he hot; some how he always got away with his very showy tattoos and piercings, he never likes to cut his hair and... ahh sorry, getting off topic where was I? Oh yeah! So my mom came into the school, with her see through smile and a look in her eyes that is clearly saying "What the hell did she do now" and walked into the principal's office. I couldn't make out the voices, but I knew that Mr. Lucas was concerned and mom was almost non-caring, nothing new; after being in there for an hour they walked out, Mr. L said he'll be looking forward to when I get back and once again mom didn't care she just kept on walking.

Mom: "Let's go Winifred; we don't want to be late." She called as she held the door open for me, and I just meekly followed her. What else was I supposed to do? That's right nothing, so I followed her to the car and there were bags in the back seat.

Me:"What's all this, are we going somewhere?"

Mom: "No, but you are." She replied as she got into the car, I only nodded, seeing how I felt like I already maxed out my work count for the day. You see, I don't talk; ever. Not since the accident that well...you'll find out later. I knew that I didn't have to ask where we were going since I overheard my parents talking the other night about how it was finally time to lock me away. So to the hospital we go! And that brings us to the now, with my mom talking to a nurse and me sitting in a chair writing to you, my one and only fri....

"Winifred, let's go," My mom said, pulling me away from my journal. Looking up at her and the army of nurses, I only smiled and put it into my bag. "Like I said, she doesn't say more than ten words, fifteen if you're lucky. We don't know why, she's been like this since our son died, but we were hoping that you could help her with that as well."

"We will do our best, with the group talks and the individual as well she will be able to come out of her shell. Now with everything else, you mentioned she has panic attacks, self harms and a few other things?"

"Yes that's right." I really hated when people talk about me like it wasn't even there. I just wanted to yell at them, but I couldn't find the will to open my mouth so I just looked at one of the nurses, I guess he felt me looking because he looked away from my mom and the other nurse and smiled at me.

"Winifred, are you ready," The male nurse asked and held out his hand like I was some scared little kid. "My name is Jessie, and I'm going to be your attendant, did they explain to you what that means?" He asked me, and I only shook my head not surprised that they didn't tell me anything.

"Well, I'm going to be the head nurse on your case, I'll oversee everything you have to do and well, I'll be your babysitter till you move out of red. Once you do that you'll see less of me. Got it?" Once again I nodded my head and moved to get up and one of the nurses moved to grab my bag, more importantly my journal and I jerked away from them.

"We need the bag; on Red you're not allowed any non issued items." Jessie said, reaching for my bag again and ran away from him. By this time I had the attention of everyone in the room and all the nurses ran over trying to help Jessie get my bag.

"Wait," my mom said, walking over to me and carefully taking my bag getting out my journal and handing it to me and the bag to them. "She doesn't go anywhere without it, please let her keep it."

"We don't permit any personal ite..." Jessie started but my mom cut him off.

"If you let her keep it, she'll be good. Won't you Winifred?" She asked, looking at me and I nodded holding on to the book tighter and holding my breath waiting for the answer.

"Fine, she can keep it but she has to understand that in order for that to happen she has to actually partake in all of her scheduled activities and if she starts to act up or stop doing them we can and will take it from her." Jessie said, he was talking to my mom but was looking at me.

"Okay." I said shocking everyone since this was the first word I said since being here. Giving everyone a small smile I moved over to Jessie and the other nurses, ready to go. Unlike most people I didn't mind being here, here meant that I get to be away and don't have to remember anymore of what had happened.

"This way please." Some random nurse said, putting her hand on the small of my back and started guiding me to the door that will take me to my freedom. I didn't even say goodbye to my mom, not that she would listen to me and walked through the double doors that would take me to my new home. Everything was white except the red lines on the floor and walls; without saying anything the still nameless nurse took me to what I assumed will be my room. Left, left, right, stop, wait, go left, left, right, you have reached your destination. I thought to myself as we navigated the hallways. Smiling the nurse opened my door and stepped aside, letting me walk in.

"You have a roommate, Dianna, but she is at an open group so you'll meet her later. Please make yourself at home, you will be starting your group activates tomorrow." She said and left, I'm pretty sure that she locked it and I walked over to the door to check. Just as I thought, locked. I looked around the room, taking in the plane two twin beds, matching dressers and one double-sided closet that already had clothing on one side. I didn't have much so I put what I had in the closet, yay all dresses, thanks mom. I can't remember how many times I told her I won't ever wear them but it looks like I'm stuck with them, with nothing else to do I laid down and ended up falling asleep.