I'm in Love With You..

Chapter 3

As soon as I finished my dance, I needed to take a breather. The voices were becoming to much to handle. I try to avoid taking the medication when it isn't absolutely necessary because it makes me feel so.... ughhhh. But this just seems unbearable. It hasn't been this bad since I've been diagnosed and I have no idea what's brought this on. 

Dancing always helps but not today obviously. 

 You're pathetic 

Just give up already, everyone will be happier

"Please Stop."

It's cute to think that you can get rid of us by asking

Everyone will be better off with you gone

The tears were just streaming down my face. This has only ever happened to me when I'm alone. In the comfort of my own ho,e. Never in front of anyone besides my brothers and best friends. I usually can control it, so others that aren't aware don't notice. But this is just too much, it'e embarrassing.

"Please, just go away."

"Jezebel, talk to me please," I couldn't answer him. The voices were taking over.

Phoenix is just standing there in worry and I'm not sure how to start this conversation off the right way without pushing him away and making it awkward.

Its funny that you think he actually cares about you

He probably just feels bad that you're a freak

"Please, shut the hell up!"

"Jez, I haven't said anything. Just please tell me what's wrong so I can help," He moved forward, but I can't do it. I just can't. I need space. I can't have him so close to me. Last time someone found out, I was completely ridiculed. I won't let that happen again. Especially with Phoenix. So I did what any sane person would do.

I ran.

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I'm such an idiot. I should've stayed and talked to Phoenix but instead, I decided to run home and cry like such a baby. My brothers Maddox and Ryland are sitting in bed with me, trying to calm me down but it doesn't seem to be working. They think that I should go back into the doctors and have more evaluations done but that isn't going to happen. They might try to send me away and that's not something I need right now. I need my brothers, and I need my three best friends to help me through this. And possibly, I just might need stronger medication. 

"Jez, you know that Ryland and I are here to help you, but you have to be willing to put in some effort. You have to talk to us." Since I came home, Ryland hasn't said a single word. He only does that when he's upset or he's in deep thought about something. I'm really hoping that it's the latter.

Ryland has always been Maddox and I's "father" where it counts the most. Our whole lives, mom wasn't around much and our dad passed when I was five from liver failure. He drank way to much. Once he died, mom poured herself into her work as a worldwide real estate investor. She didn't start leaving the country until Ryland was sixteen, Maddox was fourteen, and I was only thirteen. Once she started leaving for good, Ryland had to pretty much give up his teenage years and become the mature one. He gave up playing baseball so that he could work a full time job. I mean, we always had money, but Ry only really used it to pay all of the bills and our school expenses. He didn't like having to depend on the woman that practically abandoned us. When it was time for him to attend college, he was hesitant to leave us alone. But Max was sixteen, so we were more than capable of being on our own. Sure, Maddox was a little irresponsible, but he stepped up when he needed to. But when Ryland got word of my schizophrenia, he used that as his reason to come back home and attend a college closer.

And it only being the three of us was hard for me trying to navigate womanhood with two older brothers who obviously weren't experts in that area. Sure, they tried their hardest but they were useless. I was so grateful for my best friend Quinlynn. She made living in a house full of testosterone bearable since she practically lived there herself. 

Not only were my brothers overprotective, but they tried to dictate a lot of what I did. But being the youngest, they never stopped trying to control my life when I grew up. And when boys started to show an interest in me, it only got worst. I was like their fragile little sister and I hated every moment of it.

And what seemed to be a peaceful sibling bonding time, Ryland just gets up and leaves, still without saying a word.

"Don't worry about it Jezzy Bell, you know he always takes it pretty hard after an episode."

"I know Max, I know, I just... he needs to know that he can't control this. None of us can," I pause. Simply just enjoying the comfort my brother is giving me. We don't get to do this often but when we do, I cherish it.

"You know Maddox, I really appreciate you through all of this. And Ry. I don't know how I'd survive without you guys."

"So what I'm hearing is that I'm your favorite brother and Ry comes in second to me."

"But that's not wh-," Before I can even finish, Maddox is up and running out my door, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Ryland, its been confirmed from the horses mouth! I'm Jez's favorite! Suck on that bitch!" And  what do you know. Ryland comes running after Max as if he isn't an adult.

"Way to ruin a sentimental moment asshole!" Gosh, I live with children.