To Be Perfect

Chapter 2- Sick

     I wake up at 5am the same as every other fucking day. I get out of bed, throw on some leggings and a cute t-shirt.
     I go to get ready, I really don't feel like straightening my hair today. So I leave it it's natural texture wavy and I pull back the top section in to fishtail braid.
     For breakfast I have, a bowl of watermelon. It's still early so I go back to my bedroom, and smoke a joint.
     Today I'm taking a break from being perfect.
I can't force myself to go to school today, I truly can't. It's getting worse and worse.
I tell my father I feel sick. He doesn't doubt me, I never lie.
I've been feeling less and less capable of going to school everyday. Not on purpose it's just I didn't have any problems going, but recently I can barely force myself out of bed.
I think that I should get an emotional support pet. A sugar glider, that would be adorable. It could just sit in my pocket all day.
     I don't ever have the motivation to go to school anymore. I just want to stay in bed all day with my dog.
     My bedroom is disgusting because I don't have the motivation to clean it.
     Everyone thinks I'm the perfect girl. They don't see what this fucking illness does to me.
     I don't want to interact with anyone today. I don't want to answer all their questions, so I shut off my phone.
I wish more people knew what I was going through. I want to talk to someone about it. Maybe that would help me feel better.
    I can't skip school, it's only 6:38. I put on my sneakers and go wait for the bus. I guess it's a no makeup day. Please don't look at me.
     I get to school and I'm just fucking dazed. I can't focus on anything. Mariah asks me if I'm okay, I tell her I'm just tired.
     I go to lunch and I don't eat anything. I don't want anything. I don't want to talk either. Please no one talk to me.
     Of course I couldn't avoid it, Tyler starts to ask me about my day. Well shit. I tell him that it's going great I'm just a little tired. That's a flat out lie but he doesn't have to know.
     Kate and Zane ask me to hang out with them after school. I just tell them I have to babysit, not a complete lie but not until 7.
    After lunch I go to the nurse, I'm truly not sure if I can make it through the day. I'm not sick, at least not physically. But my mental state is dying.
    The nurse asks me what's wrong and I tell her I have really bad cramps. Hey physical pain is more acceptable than mental pain.
     She gives me some pills and lets me lie down. I immediately turn my phone back on and message Courtney.