To Be Perfect

Chapter 3- Lazy Day

I wake up a little after 9am and I lazily get out of bed. It's finally Saturday.
Courtney's coming over soon. I miss her so much. I walk into my closet and put on baggy sweat pants and a sports bra, I don't need to hide anything from her.
My father is at work so I have the whole house to myself. I get up and eat an apple. Honestly I'm feeling pretty good today.
I do a wall sit and then a few squats. Just a light workout today. I wash and moisturize my face. Then I brush my teeth and put on deodorant.
I throw my long hair into a messy bun to keep it out of my face. Courtney walks into my living room, and I wrap her in a tight hug.
We talk about how are week was for over an hour. We go sit on my bed listening to music.
Then something unexpected happens, she started tracing the scars on my stomach with her fingers. I guess I don't mind it's just a little weird.
She looks at me and whispers so quite I almost didn't hear,
"I have something to tell you."
At this point I'm kind of concerned but I won't let that show.
I respond with,
"What's going on mate?"
She gives me a sad look almost like she's about to cry. She grabs my hand bites her lip and pulls up her sleeve. Damn, those a fucking deep. I can't handle it I start sobbing. She means the world to me and it kills me on the inside to know that she's in enough pain to hurt herself. Is this how she feels when I cut? I have to ask now,
"Can I ask a question?"
She nods so I proceed,
"I feel like shit when I find out that you feel bad enough to do these things to yourself, how do you feel when I do it?"
     She looks at me somewhat shocked, I'm not really sure why but I didn't expect it. Courtney tried to speak but her voice cracked and she cried, I pulled her close and cried with her.
     When we finally collected ourselves she told me,
"I know you don't mean to hurt me when you cut, but I always blame myself for not being there to stop you. Not being a good enough friend and just letting you feel like this. Every time I see a new cut on you, I die a tiny bit more inside."
     "Courtney I'm so sorry, I never knew. Why did you ever tell me? I love you to death, your the best thing in my life. Your an amazing friend."
     "I didn't really think that you would care I guess I knew you couldn't just stop so I didn't think that there was any point in telling you."
"Of course I fucking care, I care about everything that you have to say. I love you Court."
"I love you too."