Pencils

Chapter Four

I sprinkled some nutmeg and cinnamon over the frothy goodness of my Chai tea latte and sat in the uncomfortable metal chair that was cold as all hell, my butt was freezing. Callum sat down setting two croissants on the table with a small ‘clink’ following, a\he took a sip from his own coffee and made a face. “Ugh i swear the coffee tastes worse everytime i come here.”

Rolling my eyes i tore a warm flaky piece of the croissant off. “Then why did you get coffee if you knew it was gonna taste gross?”

“I was hoping maybe this time it would taste different.”

“The reason why the coffee is icky is because they don't clean out the coffee machine every time, why do you think i always get a Chai tea?”

He thought about this for a few seconds. “Oh. Do you wanna trade then?”

I pulled my heaven in a cup closer to me. “Ew no! I don't want your man cappuccino you bought it for yourself knowing it was gross so you can drink it.”

“Mean.” He stuck his tounge out like a child and timidly kept sipping his drink make an exaggerated face each time.

I laughed and covered my mouth with my hand to smother it, but he heard it already and began to laugh as well. As our laughter died down we grew silent, it was sort of an awkward silence but it soon grew to a comfortable one, i stared out the window and watched people walk by in the snow. A mother was walking past towing her child in one hand while digging through her purse with the other, the child was golden haired and had this look of awe as he was staring at the tall buildings that were surrounding him making up his world. I remember when i was that child everything seemed so big and i was nothing but an ant, and i was fascinated with all the shimmering glass windows when the sun was setting and gave it a fiery purple hue. I could still feel the gentle grip my dad had on my little chubby hand as he walked with me through the city and how he would pull me close in the crowds so we wouldn't get separated. It was always him, never her.

“So what's your favorite color?”

I was ripped from my thoughts by that question. “Excuse me?”

“What's your favorite color?”

“Um i'm not sure black?” He gave me a look. “Ok Ok. I like red but a deep dark red, so i guess crimson.”

Callum nodded his head “I like blue. No fancy shade. Just blue.”  His grey eyes shone with this excitement, i didn't understand why though. What was he excited for? It certainly wasn't for talking to me i was boring as all get out. Maybe he was excited for life, maybe he still saw the world through a child's eyes it was something that i could no longer do. We ended up talking for about an hour or two and then went our separate ways since it was getting dark and we both were needed at home. I let out a tired sigh and waited for the bus, while i waiting i looked up at the dark sky that was slightly orange from the city lights, the buildings were still huge so maybe i still was that little ant.

---------------------------------------------------------

I stood in the cliche pouring rain and watched as his coffin was lowered into the ground, why was i here i was the cause for his death, oh thats right my mother made me. I didn't want to see my dad be lowered into the cold wet ground i wanted to stay with grandma but she made me go so i could see what i had caused. If i hadn't asked for pizza for dinner then wouldn't he still be here? The mud stained my little black shoes and the water made my hair wet.

I cried and raised my hands to my face and cried some more. “I want my daddy  back!” I ran to the hole in the ground and tried to reach him, i didn't want to stay here with her. “Daddy i want you to come back!” The mud was all over the front of my black dress and on my ice cold cheeks. I expected him to pop out of the ground and say this was all just a big joke and that we could go home. My arms weren't long enough to reach him. Someone grabbed me and pulled me away as dirt began to fill the hole. “No stop!” My seven year old voice cried out. “Stop please! I want my daddy!” No one stopped everyone looked so sad as the arms pulled me closer to the body they belonged to, i squirmed and tried to get away i clawed at the arms. Eventually i gave up and let out a wail i had been holding in. Suddenly the arms were gone and i was standing in the mud as Ted's parents glared at me, they knew his death was my fault they knew i killed him. I shut my eyes and felt myself sinking the more i struggled the faster i sank. His mother and my mother were standing watching me and whispered “You killed him.”