Pencils

Chapter Five

I slept in late Sunday morning until blinding light streamed through my half open curtains, groaning i covered my eyes and rolled over burying myface into my soft pillow. Last nights adventure came back to my mind, Callum and i were shopping and i had fun for the first time in forever. Was that a frozen reference? And then i remembered Lydia in the picture. Oh no. I was a total bitch to her because she messed with me, i must've come off as horrible to him. Wait. Why should i care what he thinks of me? He is just another person. But in reality it did matter to me it mattered way more than it should've, i ran my hands through my tangled red hair as i sat up and looked outside. Snow lots of it too, i thought of his scarf and our brief moment while walking to the mall and a small smile touched my lips and i felt a tickle in my stomach something i hadn't felt in years. My feet touched the cold floor as took off my pajama bottoms and turned on my music while i jumped into my jeans and did the jean dance which consisted off jumping and flailing my legs around. I tripped and fell and i just laughed at my own clumsiness. After i was fully dressed and ready for the day i ran downstairs and my nose was graced with the smell of pancakes. I sneaked in the kitchen and saw a full plate of blueberry pancakes, i was about to snag the plate when i was hit on the hand with a purple spatula.

“Paws off the food.” She caught me trying to steal some food.

“I'm not a little kid.”

My grandma huffed and put her hair up in a bun while adjusting her christmas themed apron. “Well you sure are acting like a little kid.” Iwas gonna open my mouth to say something but she beat me. “I need you to put up christmas lights.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes as serious as a heart attack.” She laughed at her own joke.

I crossed my arms. “That's not funny.”

She went back to flipping pancakes. “If  you put up the christmas lights i will make you a special pancake sandwich.”

“Boi! yes! “ I threw on my coat and headed outside the bins and ladder were already outside on the porch and i knew everything wasn't tangled because i'm the one who neatly bundled up the lights last year. I began to work on the trimming of the roof for about an hour or so, at one point i had to stand on my tippy toes because the ladder wasn't tall enough and i was already at the top step that's when everything went wrong. The ladder began to tip and i lost my balance falling off but instead of hitting the ground i hit something soft and warm that let out a grunt of pain. I turned around and came nose to nose with Callum. “Oh my God! Are you ok!!” I tried to get up but he wouldn't let me, his face was red and it was laced with agony as he tried to breath. “What's the matter?!”

It took a while but he finally managed to gasp out “You...kneed me...in the crotch.”

My eyes widened as i scrambled to my feet and helped him up. “I'm so sorry!” I felt really bad i didn't even know i had hurt him that bad. “Why are you here?”

“I just thought we could hang out or something and then as i was coming up i saw you about to fall off the ladder.” He pointed wincing in pain.

I grabbed his arm and had him sit on the porch. “Thank you for catching me, that could've been bad.”

“Yeah especially since there was a rock under the snow.” Callum stared out at the brown white streets with a far away look in his eyes.

“I also wanted to say thank you for pulling me away before things got ugly.” I whispered messing with the hem of my jacket.

“Of course. I know Lydia can be a jerk i just didnt you to give her anything else that she could use against you in the future.” He shrugged.

The front door opened and my grandma emerged with my food “Oh Callum you're here too. Have you eaten yet? I  can make another sandwich for you too.”

“Ah no thanks Miss.Withers, i'm not really hungry.” He said politely “Thank you though.”

She frowned and gave me my plate. “Don't be silly you are so pale i will be back in a jiffy.”

I took a bite of my food and moaned in appreciation, i didn't realize he was watching me the whole time. Embarrassed i shoved some of my sandwich in his mouth his eyes widened as he took a bite. I watched him as he ate it and moaned in appreciation too. I'm not gonna lie but it was slightly sexy. “Its good isnt it.”

He just nodded and leaned back on his elbows. “I’m not ready for school tomorrow maybe we’ll have a snow day.” I shook my head as flakes began to sprinkle from the sky.“Seems as if the weather has other plans.” The screen door opened with a loud screeching sound that echoed throughout the empty streets, my grandma came out with a tray that consisted of more sandwiches and two tall mugs of peppermint hot chocolate. “Thanks Miss.Whithers.” He lifted the mug to his lips and drank some of the hot liquid. Now that she saw him eating in drinking she gave a nod of approval and went back inside probably to make christmas cookies or something. “She is really nice.”

“Hm? Oh grandma? Yeah she is the best.” I agreed cradling my own penguin printed mug in my cold hands. “She really is always puts up with the random crap i pull.”

“What happened to your parents?” I froze at those words, and suddenly my hot chocolate wasn't as appealing. Callum saw the look on my face and quickly said “Never mind. I shouldn't have asked i didn't know it would be a touchy subject.”

“It's fine. I just don't like talking about my mum.” I gazed at the bright gray sky. “My dad though was amazing, he could make anyone smile even on their worst day. He was an EMT and he loved it, i think it mightve been the fact that he was helping people and saving lives that made him happy.” I could see him again as i talked about him. I could see him messy black hair and warm cream colored skin but what i remembered the most was his comforting smile, the world could be falling apart and hell could be breaking loose but one smile could fix all of that. A tear escaped my left eye, i miss him so much. “But when i was about seven he went to get pizza and never came back, he uh was hit by a drunk driver while crossing the street to come home.” I shut my eyes tightly and exhaled harshly to push down the overwhelming feeling of pain that i  have been holding onto for so long, but i deserved that pain i really did. “If it hadnt been for me he would still be around!” I sobbed not realizing i had said it out loud. “If i hadn't been selfish and begged for pizza for dinner then he would still be here, he would still-” My voice faltered as i was embraced in a tight hug, the warmth was alarming as i buried my face into his shoulder. “I miss him.” It was all i could say and i felt like i was back in my little body watching him being lowered into the ground the last time i saw him was kissing me on the forehead and shutting the door behind him. I gripped the sides of Callums jacket in my hands and cried as he rubbed my back, i could smell his cologne and the scent of his shampoo, It was a musky scent but comforting.

After a while he spoke. “It wasn't your fault Taryn. It was an accident you couldn't have known that he was gonna die, you couldn't have known about the drunk driver. It was a freak accident.” He pulled away to look at me with his eyes full of compassion and pulled wet strands of hair out of my face. “You didn't do anything and whoever told you that you did was wrong, you just asked for pizza that's something all seven year olds would ask for. You need to remember that he loved you very much and live on, because he is alive.” Callum placed his hand above my heart. “In here, he is alive. You are a walking memory of him.” My shoulders sagged as i stared at him eyes wide open a few tears streamed down my face silently at his words, he gently brushed them away and smiled softly at me his thumb lingering on my cheek a few seconds longer.  I gave a watery smile and lunged at him wrapping my arms around his neck.