I'm Pathetic Trash

My Sand Monologue

I wrote this entire thing on my way to school the day it was due. Go me.

There's a point in everyone's lives where they have so much bottled up emotion that they just can't take it anymore. They need to let it all out. If they don't it feels as if they'll explode. They could explode over the simplest things, even sand.

Now I don't necessarily like sand. It's not my favorite thing in the world. There are many things that are great about it and many, many things that are awful about it. Let's start with the positive. Sand is a natural incubator, which is pretty cool. It's warm to the touch, so that's nice. There are approximately 700,500,000,000,000,000,000 grains of sand on earth (seven quintillion five quadrillion). That's a lot of sand!

If someone were to not like sand (*cough* me *cough*) then that would suck because of how much for the world it occupies. 20%. Now that may not seem like a lot, but about 71% of the Earth's surface is water.  If you hate it or love it, you'll have to deal with it.

Another positive thing about it, it's fun to play with. If you're bored at the beach you could build a sand castle, dig, bury your friends. Just be careful when you bury your friends, sand tends to get everywhere.

Oh god, does it get everywhere.

Okay. You know what? Screw this. Why do I have to be so fluffing positive about something I hate with every atom in my body. You cannot measure how much I hate sand. I hate it more than the amount of grains there are on this earth.

Did you know that if you rub against sand too much you could actually get microscopic cuts? What's cool about that? Nothing! Nothing is cool about that! It sucks!

It gets absolutely everywhere. When I get home from the beach I have to get immediately into the shower to get all these stupid tiny grains of sand out of my hair! I hate it so fluffing much.

There is so much of it on this stupid planet. Seven quintillion five quadrillion? WHO THE HECK NEEDS THAT MUCH SAND IN THEIR LIVES? CERTAINLY NOT ME.

What about when you accidentally eat sand huh? Is that fun? No! It's not fun! Sand doesn't taste great! If you eat way too much you could die! Does that sound fun? Huh? DOES IT?!

SAND RUINED MY LIFE, YOU KNOW THAT? MY HUSBAND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO EAT 12 CUPS OF SAND AND THEN HE GOT SENT STRAIGHT TO THE ER WHERE HE DIED ON THE OPERATING TABLE. THE HUMAN BODY CAN'T DIGEST SAND THAT QUICKLY, DANIEL. WHY DID YOU EAT SO MUCH SAND?! WHY?! I LOVED YOU GOD DANGIT!

I just. I can't. I'm sorry. I hate sand. You should to, but I'm not telling you how to live your life. Good day.

So I performed this in front of my class 3rd period today and they were all dying of laughter and then when I was done everyone started clapping and they loved it :D