Ara : I Know...

Chapter 8: You are Nothing

The next night I awoke with him in my arms. The night before, I had asked him to stay. He surprised me by crawling into my arms.

I held him close and studied his face. It looked much different. I could see the innocence he must have had as a mortal. He looked cute. I brought my hand to his face and brushed away the unruly strands of hair. I caressed the softness of his cheek.

Something about this felt right. He was in my arms and never, not once have I ever felt that I belong anywhere but here and now I felt like I found my place. I leaned into him and kissed his forehead. He didn't stir not even a little.

I dare not look into his mind because I did not want to disturb his dream. Instead I held him close and watched him sleep. I didn't have to look after him long. He began to stir. When he opened his eyes he looked into mine. I could feel the content he felt. How I felt I know he felt it too. I didn't want to move because I was afraid of losing this new feeling.

I leaned into him. I needed to taste his lips. Just then he pulled away and sat up. The feeling from before dissipated. I sat up too. I didn't need to look inside his mind to know his confusion. I felt it emanating from him. Honestly, I was confused myself.

What does this mean?

"Are you okay?" I asked when he didn't say a word.

"You know my mind. You should know." Hansol kept his eyes from me.

"For once tell me." I took his hand.

Immediately he pulled away. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. After a moment he stood from the bed. He began to leave. I got up from the bed and pulled him into my arms. He tried to pull away from me but I held him tighter. When he stopped pulling away from me, I turned him until he was facing me.

"Stay, just once stay..." I cupped his face in my hands and kissed his lips. "Stay with me."

Hansol pulled away from me. "I can't." I felt a spark of something inside him. His confusion was giving away to something that is unfamiliar to me but it is a feeling I wanted to feel too.

I tried to pull him back into my arms but he stepped away from my reach.

"Stay." Hansol held up his hand like an owner does to keep a disobedient dog from moving and like a dog I stayed in my place. "Your gift has gotten stronger. Have you been able to control my mind? All of this." Hansol looked to me. "It's all because of you. You have me under a spell. You've been around Taeyang and have learned to use your gift against me." Hansol stepped away.

"No. I can't control you. Your past has too much control over you. I am trying to free you from it. You think being with Jiho will free you of this pain you live in? Do you think taking away the one person Taeyang loves will solve this?! You mate with him and then what? He isn't meant for you." I stomped towards him and pulled him back into my arms.

"Dongsung was meant for me!" Hansol pushed himself away from me. "You are nothing to me." His voice grew quiet as he uttered those five words.

"I am meant for you!" My voice was shaky and breaking as his words pierced through me. I paused to shake off the hurt from his words and to calm my mind. "You know I am meant for you. You know it that is why you are afraid to stay here." I hesitantly took his hands into mine. "I don't have to reach into your mind to know what you are feeling because I can feel it radiating from you. I feel it as if I were you. I know just now you felt comfort in my arms. You haven't felt that way in such a long time. You will never find that with Jiho."

My master looked to our joined hands. "What is it you want from me?" His voice was soft as he pulled away his hands. His eyes never looking up to me.

"I never belonged anywhere but I know that lying next to you, I have a place." I lifted his chin so that I could gaze into his eyes and maybe he could feel what I feel. Does he know? I looked into his mind.

"Stop it! Stop trying to read into my mind." My master grabbed at his head before he turned away from me. "Jiho will never feel the same but with him I can avenge my master's death and that is worth more than comfort." Hansol went to the door.

I know nothing will change his mind. "Master!" I shouted and he stopped. My anger replaced the sadness. "If you make Jiho your mate, I will kill him!"

"You can't bare to see me kill a human. What makes you think you can kill one of your own kind." Hansol opened the door and left.

He will never see beyond his hate. He will never see me and yet I could feel his heart reach out to me. Why! Why can't he see me?!

Why can't you see me?

I returned to my unmade bed and sat upon it. I felt at my chest. I could feel my heart beating but why does it hurt like this? Is this what heart break feels like? I gasped when tears spilled from my eyes. Then came the sobs. This hurt so much. Why won't the tears stop?

I have been abandoned again. I have been thrown away like garbage.

You are nothing to me...