December 20 2016
The contacts in my phone used to be numbers I could call at any given time to find plans and have a night out full of joy and adventure. But anymore they serve as warnings as to who to avoid and what calls to ignore.
Friends on Facebook used to be people I had shared battlefields or journeys with. People who without the stories of my youth could never be possible. Now I see parasitic enemies. Groups of people who only care for they're own benefits. I've achieved the position and freedom of adulthood only to realize the cost for maturity was the people I held dear to me. I've strode this hearth from 2 steps outside of my own house as far as the mountains of bear creek. I walked through rain, snow and fog alike. Both day and night. I've shared a bed with many a woman. And shared drinks with many a brother. But while I was out seeking fame and fortune and family. I came up short. Sacrificed everything I was for something I never want to be. Now all I feel is trapped. I don't want to be in this place anymore. I don't want to exist on this plan any longer. An escape, from the reality the rumors the lying the crying all of this. I can't tell truth from lies anymore and I still haven't mastered the ability to turn my thoughts off. I don't know how to calm the screaming voices in my head that are suppressed. Most importantly I'm not sure if I'm the different one, Or if everyone else is. I preached for so long to so many that our emotions are lessons we much learn and embrace. While I neglected my own emotions of loneliness. Well now my eyes are open I'm ready to learn how to be alone.
