My New Life

Chapter fourty-nine

•Brook's POV•

As I was still running for my life as I would say, Nick's steps were getting closer to me by each step. Once I reached the beach, he grabbed my wrist.
"Wait." He said breathing heavily.
I snatched my hand away from his grasp and waited until he talked.
"Did you eat?" Nick asked.
"Look I don't have time for this." I moved my hands around, "I told you I didn't hear anything. That's it." I tried convincing him, or perhaps myself.
"Come on I'm taking you for breakfast. I know you heard something so you're gonna tell me what exactly, and I'll explain." He smiled and started walking towards the resort. This time I was the one who grasped his wrist.

"First, I don't wanna go to breakfast with you. Second, I didn't hear anything nor expect explanations. And last, you can't give me commands." I said with a lot of confidence.
"Honey, we both know you heard something, that you're dying to know the meaning of it and that you want to go for breakfast with me." He said back with as much confidence as I had and added his signature wink.

"I forgot how stubborn you were." I said and looked down when I realized what I had said. I indirectly said that Dylan isn't stubborn and that I can walk all over him, which isn't totally false, and that made me realize something. Why did I, in the first place, break up with Nick? I shouldn't be having these thoughts especially since I'm with Dylan now. But I'm having them and I'm not gonna run away from my thoughts nor my feelings. I'm not saying I have feelings for Nick. Because I don't. At least I hope I don't.

I'm just going to clarify stuff here. I know I may seem like an indecisive teenage girl playing with two guys to get attention. Okay, I may be an indecisive teenage girl. But hey, for my defense what girl isn't?
Actually, it's a reason why I don't judge people. Yeah I have an opinion about them but it's not a judgement. I give everyone chances. And right now, all I'm asking for is another chance. Maybe with Nick or even maybe with Dylan or what the hell maybe with Joey. I don't know what I want and I won't blame myself for it anymore. I'm just not blaming anyone anymore.

"Brook?" Nick asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.
"What?"
"I said come on we're going for breakfast. I'm starving and I wanna explain stuff to you. I think you also have something you wanna tell me." He said again with so much confidence within his voice I wanted to strangle him. But, of course, I didn't.
"Okay look. If you're expecting me to tell you something, don't get your hopes up because I have nothing to say. If you wanna talk though, it's something else."
"Are you ever gonna stop being afraid of showing how you really feel?! Is it that hard?" He asked annoyed.
"Yeah actually it is. And I don't expect you to understand. Anyway, you still wanna talk or not?"
"Yeah okay let's eat." He lead the way. "By the way I'm sorry for the way I talked to you. It just fuckin' annoys me that you, that you don't like to talk about your feelings. And that stops you from getting what you really want."

He was looking at my eyes with so much hope that I wanted tell him what he wanted to hear but in reality I had no clue what he was expecting. I couldn't disappoint him. I felt like I had already disappointed him enough when I broke up with him. And I couldn't let myself disappoint him again. He was being mature and I had to be too.

"Nick, maybe you're right. Maybe I have something to say." I said. I'm sure I saw him smile a little even though he tried to hide it.

"This food is so good." He moaned while chewing.
"Yeah." I chuckled.
"Hey I didn't ask, but is Dylan okay with you having breakfast with me?" Nick asked with a slight bit of concern in his voice.
"Yeah don't worry." I paused, chewing on my food. Dylan doesn't need to know my every move. "So what did you wanna talk about?" I continued.

"Yeah right, I should just tell you. Uhm okay look it's gonna sound really weird so like be prepared to hear some really bad shit." He paused. "You know, when I said I joined Joey's gang to protect you?'

"It was a lie, wasn't it? I knew I shouldn't have believed you. Anyway, it's in the past and now I'm with Dy-"
"Would you please for once shut the fuck up and let me talk please!" He interrupted me.
I nodded as he continued talking.

"Him and I had agreed that I was gonna leave his gang. I wanted to leave because me joining him was pointless. I had heard many conversations of him and found out that he didn't leave you alone like we had agreed. So, on the day I was supposed to leave he had an offer for me. An offer I just couldn't refuse. And now when I think about it I can't believe I actually believed him after all the bullshit he had told me before. So anyway, he told me he would really leave you alone this time and would even leave the city if I stayed in the gang, with the people who wouldn't leave with him, and if I fought for him once. So at that moment I didn't even have to think about it. It seemed like the right thing to do. So I accepted his offer and did it. And fucking did it." He sighed and ran his hands down his face. "I regret not leaving his gang every fucking day. And I won't stop regretting it for the rest of my life until I eventually leave. I'm sorry Brook if I hurt you. I really am. I just wanted to do the right thing, and.. You know the rest."

"I have to go." I said and ran away.

•Nick's POV•

Why did she leave like that? What did I do wrong again? I'm so sick of always screwing up, especially with her.

•Brook's POV•

I'm so done with Nick taking responsibility of my acts. From now on, I'm going to be responsible and mature. And I won't let him live a shitty life because of me.

"What's up baby?"
"Kick Nick out and I'm in."
"As you wish." He said.
And I hung up.