Paper & Rocks (a Office Fanfic)

"E-mail surveillence"

Okay lit part three!! Left outfit is what Jac wears to work, right outfit is what she wears to Jim's barbecue.
Quote: Stick Boy liked Match Girl, He liked her a lot. He liked her cute figure, he thought she was hot. But could a flame ever burn for a match and a stick? It did quite literally; he burned up quick. ~Tim Burton, The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories
Song: Crazy in Love cover by Sofia Karlberg
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Michael is in his office, "It is Friday morning and it is another beautiful day in Scranton, Pennsylvania." He looks out the window. He then tenses and sees man in a turban outside, "Oh my God. Ohhh."
He dials a phone number, "Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up." He hangs up and gets up, "Oh, we have a serious problem here." He goes out onto office floor, "Alright everybody, lock the doors, turn off the lights. Pretend you're not here." He says locking the door.
Jim asks, "Are we in danger?"
Michael says, "There's no time to think about if this is real. Just, shh, everybody."
There's a knock at the front door.
Kevin asks, "Michael, should I call the..." Michael waves his hands, "What?" Kevin asks.
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Michael says with a coffee mug in his hands, "The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start."
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Michael says to the IT guy, "Yeah, I tried to install it myself, but, uh, you guys have these things so password-protected..."
Sadiq replies, "That just means you have to enter your password."
"Oh..." Micheal mumbles.
Sadiq asks, "What's your password, Michael?"
"Oh, umm..."  Sadiq looks at Post-It on computer.
"Oh, it's 1-2-3." Sadiq says then types it.
"Yes."
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Micheal comes out of his office and Dwight is there waiting for him, "Mi-"
Michael exclaims surprised, "AH! Guh-oood."
Dwight says, "Sorry."
"Please don't do that."
"Ok, I'm sorry. What is going on in there? Why is he here? What are you doing?" Dwight asks.
"I can't tell you." Micheal replies.
"You have to tell me."
Michael defends, "I don't have to tell you anything."
Dwight says, "Look, Michael, I know you don't want to have to think about this, but if something were to happen to you, God forbid, then I would need to know in order to take over."
Michael scoffs, "Dwight, nothing is going to happen to me, ok? I'm in the best shape of my life. Look at this." He flexes his arms, "Brrr! That's strong!"
Dwight reasons, "Yeah, but that doesn't matter, you could get a brain aneurysm-"
Michael cuts him off, "I'm not going get a brain-"
"Or get hit by a car-"
Michael demands, "Stop it."
Dwight continues, "Or a bus or a train. Get poisoned, fall in a well, step on a mine, choke."
Michael scoffs once again, "Uh, oh, ok; if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and die, you can have my job, ok? Why don't you just go... away?"
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Michael says," There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed, it---," he pauses, "And I am not going to tell them that I'll be reading their e-mails."
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Michael asks, "So how do you search?"
"By keyword phrase."
"Try "profits". No! Try "Michael Scott". "Michael" "boss" and "funny"." Sadiq types and result pops up, "Oh my God, wow!" Micheal chuckles, "E-mail from Stanley. Stanley, Terribly nice guy." Micheal reads the e-mail aloud, "Sorry I didn't write back sooner; I can't go to the game tonight because my boss Michael is an ass and making me stay late." Well, Stanley's an ass. Not one of our harder workers." He thinks for a moment then says, "Search "boss" and "hot""
Sadiq types and a email written by Jac shows up, "Ooh!" He reads it aloud, "Dear, Michelle  I seriously miss you. America is kind of cool. My new job is awesome. There's this really hot guy.. but my boss is awful. He thinks he's so hot..."
Micheal's voice drifts off as Sadiq muffles a laugh.
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Micheal comes out of his office. Jac standing at Jim's desk notices and asks, "Hey, what's the deal, Michael? Why are you spying on our computers?"
Michael jokes, "Oh, no, everybody; Jac's  gone crazy! What other ghost stories do you have for us? That I'm a robot?" Micheal says in a robot voice, "I will destroy everything in my path-"
"Actually, it's just-" Jac says.
Michael exclaims, "Beep! Bop!"
Jac mumbles, "Ok..."
Michael continues to make notices as he does robotic movements, "Bommmm. Bop! Onk onk." He says in a Tin Man voice, "Oil can. Oil can."
"Tin Man. Actually we just a got a memo from IT saying you're doing e-mail surveillance." Jac says.
Michael says defeated, "Oh, what? No. That defeats the whole purpose."
Dwight asks, "So it's true? You have access to our e-mails?"
Michael asks, "You know what the problem is?"
Stanley mumbles, "I think I do."
"The problem is that when people hear the term "big brother", they immediately think it's scary or bad, but I don't. I think, wow, I love my big brother." Micheal explains.
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Kevin says monotone, "I gotta erase a lotta stuff. A lot of stuff."
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