Strands of Blue

Chapter 1: The Bottom of the Well

I never wanted it to be this way. This dysfunctional nuclear family was never meant to be this way. It started with great intentions, but it ended up tripping and falling into a well, slowly reaching the bottom.

"That's not what I said, you're blowing this way out of proportion, Jenn!" Dad said.

"You aren't listening, John! I can't do this anymore, it just isn't right." Mom yelled back. My sister, Ella, and I were sitting in our room staring aimlessly at the purple wall in front of us, listening to the endless battle downstairs.

"Ella, would you be upset if Mom and Dad were to divorce?" I asked. She looked at me with a blank expression.

"Would you?" Ella asked. I looked at her with the same expression, and shook my head. It's sad to say but I knew deep down that they would both be so happy if they were no longer together. As of then, our house was filled with the feeling of dysphoria.

"I'll be back." Ella said. "I need to breathe." Ella opened our bedroom window and stepped out onto the roof. That was our place; anytime we needed to take a moment, we went out onto the roof and just relaxed. She rarely went out there, but this time it was bad.

"Jenn, I'm trying my best here, there just isn't much for me to do," Dad said

"Trying your best?! You stopped trying ever since Ella was born!" My mom yelled back. As they continued to fight, I thought about how differently Ella was treated growing up. I noticed that he never really talked to her, or seemed to care what she'd been up to. Was it true? Did he stop caring? Did he even care about me? I was thinking about too much too quickly and it was making me sick. I hated that negative energy, and I just wanted it to stop. I went out onto the roof and sat next to Ella.

"I'm sorry, El." I said, wrapping my arm around her. "This entire situation just isn't right." Ella stood up and walked around on the roof.

"I just don't understand why he didn't leave when he stopped caring." Ella said. She ran her hands through her long, pink-dyed hair in distress.

"Maybe he wanted to make an effort." I say. Ella paced around with her angry-thinking face on. She suddenly stopped in her tracks and stared at the dark night sky.

"No, I get it now. He's here because he thinks he has something to prove to us. He thinks by sticking around long enough we can still think of him as a loving father! He hasn't done anything to live up to that. Not once has he asked us how we're doing or what we want to do with our lives. Aren't you supposed to want to know what your child wants in life? I know what I want in life right now, that's for damn sure," Ella said in anger.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"A dad who actually cares." She stormed off back to the window and into the house. I sat there for a minute, holding my legs close to my body. I didn't know how I felt about this situation anymore. Uneasy is a good word for it. I stood up and breathed in the fresh air before heading back inside.

"Are you kidding me, Jenn?! I do everything around here!" Dad yelled.

"Says the sorry loser that still doesn't have a job!" Their voices echoed through the entire house. All of this gave me a headache.

"I seriously can't take this anymore!" Dad shouted.

"Well if you can't take it anymore, then let's just get a divorce already!" Mom responded. The house went silent for a while. Ella and I looked at each other. I was going to say something but then-

"Alex!" Mom called. "Come here!" I went downstairs to see her arms crossed and my dad leaned against the wall, covering his face.

"We need your opinion." She paused. "Do you think me and your father should split up?" I sighed. They always did this to Ella and I. Every time they fought, they asked us who we thought was right. Honestly, neither of them were; all of it was complete nonsense. All that anger suddenly built up to the point where I felt the blood boil beneath my skin.

"You know what, Mom, yes. I do think you should split up. Maybe you two would actually be happy again!" I yelled at the both of them. I didn't mean to say what I did. Dad looked at me with sorry eyes and walked closer towards me. I tried my best not to cry, but all of it was just too overwhelming. I clenched my fists and tried to hold it together.

"Listen Al, we understand the frustration but don't you think we can get through this?" Dad said calmly. I stopped and stared at him for a minute. I got goosebumps and butterflies. I felt a wave of heat slowly make its way from my shoulders to my face. I built up the courage to respond.

"No, I don't think so." The tears finally strolled down my face as I began to realize that maybe I would've been upset if they divorced, but it was only for the better. I turned around to see Ella in the hall with tears in her eyes too. The air in the house was thick and depressing. All of us knew this was coming, we just didn't know when. It seemed to me we reached the bottom of the well.