The Protected (Book 2)

Chapter 21: Library

I was paranoid. I felt like everyone knew from one look that I had kissed the prince. That I ruined every notion of peace between both kingdoms. I had failed my king and queen, I had failed my duty, I had even failed my parents who had high hopes sending me on this mission.

But god that was an amazing kiss!

I heard first kisses were awkward and messy but I've never felt anything more perfect. Perfect despite how wrong everything was.

Yesterday was horrible and awkward. After the long awkward way back to the castle, Mathew tried to talk to me again but I would not give him a chance. I couldn't have him change my mind. I was so close to change it with that kiss, but I couldn't give him the slightest chance to change my mind.

His words kept circulating in my head.

'What about me?'

I felt horrible that he could not be happy. But he couldn't ruin everything for us. I would not allow it. I would never forgive myself.

"Clarissa!" I froze in my spot turning to meet the familiar voice.

Sebastian picked up his pace making his way to me. Did he know? Did he know I kissed Mathew?

Stay composed. Stay composed.

"What are you doing?" He asked. Just then I could see he was trying to analyze me.

"About to go for a run," I said honestly. Running cleared my mind. The last thing I wanted to think about was that kiss.

"Care if I join?" He asked hopefully.

Say no.

"Sure!"

Damn it!

We made it outside where we preceded to make a round around the castle. Sebastian kept trying to make conversation but instead of answering I would brush it off and run faster. I was about to round a corner when I saw Mathew sitting on a bench talking to Alana with a sad expression. I stopped in my place making Sebastian stop too.

"Turn around!" I said trying to push him forward. "Let's go back to way we came."

I couldn't let Mathew see me and I couldn't face him even if I wanted to.

He gave me a weird look. For a second I thought he wasn't going to listen but he did. We ran back the way we came.

Sebastian suddenly stopped running. I turned to find him staring at the ground. I made my way back to him partly worried. "Is everything okay?"

He slowly raised his head, his eyes were searching me for something. "I can not compete."

Okay, I felt very confused.

"Compete?"

Sebastian nodded. "I am no competition for a prince." Oh god he knew. "I thought maybe I could change your mind since his fate was chosen but now I see I cannot take a heart that belongs to someone else. I cannot compete with the way he looks at you or the way you look at him."

I opened my mouth and closed it like an idiot trying to find the right words to say. I still couldn't grasp the fact he knew. All this time he knew. I felt like a monster.