connected 연결된 s.m.

t w e n t y - t w o

Summer of 2019

"You're a cheater. Oh my god," Shawn sobbed faintly into his hands, "how did I think to re-trust you with everything I ever had?" He tried to react as calm and as understandingly to his best ability without shattering the glass that was felicity's phone.

"It's not what it looks like. I swear." Felicity failed to give the eye contact Shawn needed most. "Look me in the eyes and tell me. Because this really looks like this was a summer thing to me." Shawn commanded softly with a jaw muscle that's flexed when he bit down on his back teeth to hold back his tears.

She refused to tell him anything because it was in this moment she knew that he knew what she did last summer. Tears welling up in his eyes, he fell back onto the bed, looking up at the blank ceiling. He constellated the dots on the ceiling to create nothing. Just empty pictures, they were.

Clusters of different emotions joined together to create one whole emotion; neglect. He never really experienced this entirely before, since it's been a long while since this specific emotion was felt.

"You left me because our love faltered from its place high up on that shelf of perfect relation." He reminisced on the past, reopening the doors that stood between him and his intensifying emotions for felicity.

It was too late into the night for Shawn to argue with felicity so he grabbed his blanket from their bed and dragged it out to the living room. He tossed the cover onto the couch, going around to lie on it and wrap himself.

The amount of tears he was crying minutes ago then quickly fluctuated into a sea, then beyond that, which left him with a soaking cover.

   That night was filled with miserable silence, heart ache beyond explanation from either of the two. Felicity felt terrible, but not to the point where she had cried. While on the other hand, Shawn felt like an idiot for falling deep into her trap.

Both fell asleep without each other's presence, without each other. Shawn was keeping a pillow warm in his arms as he hugged it for his life, and felicity hugged her knees up to her stomach as she was shuddering without him.

This was a two man battle between the two. She was fighting with weapons and he fought free handedly, only to lose to her. He was weak, she wasn't. She had free-will, he didn't.

Because he was weak and had no will, he didn't want to let her go. His love for her was too strong, stronger than himself even. Naïve was the word for Shawn.

   As they slept, the worldly problems occurred without them knowing it. What else was occurring as they slept? You may ask.

    Shawn was waiting to rebuild his relationship.

-

   The alarm set for 6:45 am bounced off the walls, alerting felicity. Shawn was already awake and was already sat, patiently waiting for her to wake.

Tossing and turning like paint being whisked, felicity rolled off the bed, then greeted by feet. Shawn's.

"I'm glad you're awake. We need to talk." He helped her to her feet and walked her to the kitchen, where a simple breakfast was set and luggage surrounded the center by the front door.

"What's this?" She pointed to the tons of luggage ready to be taken elsewhere.

"It's mine. Not the issue of focus, though. Come, sit." He pointed to a seat in front of a plate of mouth- watering food. The sweet aroma of maple syrup blinded the intensity that was slowly rising.

"This looks really good." Felicity dug into her plate, inserting the fork of eggs between her swollen lips. Shawn nodded, refusing to eat so he slid his plate away from him. "You're not gonna eat?"

"I've lost my appetite." He tosses the food into the garbage disposal, and sat back down in front of her at the table. "Um, so... I um, kind of think we're at the point in our relationship where everything is a total bump in the road. Do You agree?"

She gulped down air, agreeing by nodding. Shawn continued, "good. um, I don't know if you wanna continue this, but right now I'm allowing you to back out."

"No, absolutely not. We're not having this conversation. Nope." She stands, not pushing in her chair, she speeds into the bedroom and locked herself in.

"I'm trying here, Fel. I really am, but if we're not on the same page, I don't think we should stay." He turns the locked doorknob hopelessly. "It's not fair for you to have me around for no reason."

   She turned the knob, swiftly going past Shawn. "If you wanna leave, go. You have to take control of your life. I've been controlling it for you for too long."

   "That's how you feel?" He choked out, shaking his head. She nodded, and he sighed. "I'll be back tonight to get the rest of my things then." He exited the bedroom, rolling his luggage into the garage where his car was.

   "Shawn don't go." Felicity croaked, a black case in hand. "You were gonna leave Leo."

   "Keep it, keep everything else. Give it to your other boyfriend, I know you have one anyway. I've read every message." He cried, biting his lip. "I hope he needs you more than I do."

   The sight of his soul breaking made her heart grow cold, he was right. He did need her. And she knew it.

   "Nobody knows the way I know you. Nobody knows the weight that's on your shoulders. I've lifted that weight off your shoulders and placed that shit onto mine just for you to be happy. Goddamnit felicity, I love you so much and I'm about to walk away because I'm ignorant and don't know what I'm losing. Don't let me go." He pleaded, falling onto his knees, weeping.

   Into the deeper portion of her thoughts, he's begging her. "I'm sorry."

   "N-no." His brown eyes, turned a green colour as he was drained. "Be strong Shawn. For me. Please be strong for me."

   He choked on his tears, angrily throwing his luggage into the trunk of his car, out of breath from sobbing. "Felicity Wolfe, I Hate You. I Always Will."

   From this day forward, they went back to their old ways.