In The Shadows

4. I want the truth

Sitting cross legged on my bed, I stared out my bedroom window. Moonlight shone brightly into my room making shadows dance along  the walls. I never looked back at the shadows but simply stared up at the moon for a few more seconds before turning my body to get under the covers. Thea's jacket that was sprawled out on the chair by the window came into my line of sight. I turned away from it.
Why did she have to sleep in my bed tonight? I knew, from recent news that she had slept in my dad's bed the other night while he slept on the couch and though it was a little upsetting, I wished those were the same arrangements tonight.
She could have easily slept in the guest room but because dad had started using it as an office which was not really in a good state, she couldn't.  The other option was to drag the bed from dad's office to mums but even I knew that was impossible...dad never went in there and sometimes when the pain in my chest became unbearable, neither did I. I grumbled, failing to fall asleep. Just the thought of her sliding into my bed while I slept was disturbing. The image of her covering my head and suffocating me as I slept passed through my mind but I quickly brushed it off. She would obviously wait until it was just us two in the house.
Thea had left to take a bath so I lay in bed alone. My hair was still a little damp so a few strands of hair clung to my forehead but it didn't quite bother me. The feeling of my damp hair in some way calmed me when I realized how worked up I was getting over Thea. It tied me down, making me realize how ridiculous I was being.
Maybe a part of me was jealous of her, a part that I really didn't want to admit to myself. Her mother and father were alive. Her family was apart but 'complete'...mine was broken. A sadness crept into my eyes then somehow found its way to my throat making it hard to swallow. I needed water. I climbed out of my bed quickly when suddenly I was strangely aware of the weight of my covers on my body. The cool air gripped at my body but it was such an insignificant feeling compared to the lump in my throat and the ghost hand in my chest. Leaning over, I gulped in air. What was wrong with me?

As I approached the base of the stairs I became conscious of the sound of the TV. I wiped my forehead which had become considerably clammy. I didn't want to meet my father like this, he would know something was up. I sighed but instead of it coming out softly it came out forced, making it sound something close to a croak.
Great Alison, he obviously heard that.
I walked into the living room. Instead of being met by a half awake half dozing man, I faced an empty room. He must be in the kitchen, I  thought to myself. The kitchen was empty.
Relief and a negligible amount of disappointment filled my mind for but a second.
I closed the kitchen door behind me, got a glass and then poured myself some cold water from a bottle from the fridge. The dripping of water from the kitchen tap and the faint sound of the television were my only distractions from my slowly calming mind.
I quickly drank up the rest of my glass of water then put it in the sink. Just as I was about to rinse it off the muffled sound of the phone ringing stopped me. I walked to the door and opened it.

"Hello?"my dad's voice floated towards me as he answered the phone.

I froze. When had he come downstairs? I should have heard him climbing down the stairs. I peeped through the ajar door debating with myself on whether I should just walk out and pass by him or wait for the call to end. My curiosity got the better of me. I waited.

"Yeah..Caitlin?" I heard my father say into the phone.

There was a long pause before he spoke again. When he spoke this time he sounded a little agitated.

"She didn't tell me why she came and I didn't ask. I thought she wanted to see me since you never let me see her," he paused before continuing, " Yeah. She'll stay with me until you can get back on your feet."

I breathed out heavily.

"I wish I could be there for you...with you. I never should have left you. I missed you and Thea."

A tear escaped my eye but I held back the rest. Caitlin was his first love and it seemed like with Darren, he couldn't love anyone else after her. Thea wasn't the replacement daughter. I was. He couldn't be with his first family so he made another one to fill the void. He never loved mom or me.
My chin wobbled and I struggled to keep it still. Closing my eyes, I turned away from the door and sunk to the floor. I breathed out silently and let go but instead of tears falling, nothing came. I guess I had always known about this part of Darren. I just needed to hear it.

A short while after the talking stopped. I hadn't even heard him say bye over the overwhelming screaming in my head.

"Thea, what are you still doing up?"

I heard the light shuffling of feet as Thea drew nearer to Darren. I almost laughed aloud at myself. I was beginning to get so good at forgetting about everyone else that even the most obvious of sounds were being missed by my ears. I didn't want to listen anymore. I just wanted to crawl up in a ball in my room and not come out again but that wasn't possible so I simply listened.

"I came to get a glass of water."

My body stiffened but other than that I did not move.

" Thea...why did you leave?"

There was a long silence before she spoke again.

"Dad, can we not talk about this now?"she pleaded.

"Thea, please. I just want the truth for once."

Another pause. Thea sniffed then sighed but it came out a little shaky.

"Rodger is back and mom had to leave. I couldn't go with her again..."Thea sobbed, "please, dad..."

"Don't worry. You'll stay with us from now on, okay," Darren  whispered.

Thea's sobs filled the air for a moment longer before they both headed to bed. After they left, I didn't move. I just sat there waiting for... nothing. I only got to bed an hour later.