cemetery ☞ n.m

xi

several weeks after;

i still can't get over it.

she rolled her eyes, shoving the pen into the bridge of her notebook and slamming it shut.

everything couldn't have gotten any less worse than it already had been. her life was slowly falling apart. slowly, and painfully.

her parents still send postcards to her saying, 'you can come to us, we'll comfort you' even though she knows they won't. they'll only make it even worse.

that's the thing about people, she thought, they always think they know what fucking best for you. they always think they know you. when, in reality, they don't know shit.

as of right then, she hated sammy. she hated him for leaving her. she hated him for not giving himself another chance. she hated him for making her think she had a purpose in the world. she knew she didn't. and that made her hate herself, too. it made her hate herself for believing him.

she hops off her bed, quickly, throwing on her shoes and slipping on one of her old leather jackets. not even bothering to bring her phone.

it was a rather cold night, and she shivered whilst covering her torso with the large jacket. sammy loved it when it was cold.

she ran.

she didn't even know why she was running, or what she was running from. she just ran. and the tears came shortly after not even warning her. she just ran.

she turned into an alley way, kneeling down and burying her head in between her knees. sobbing. this wasn't even a safe place for her to be, especially at that time. sammy always warned her of being there.

"i thought you fucking loved me." she says through sobs. "you don't just leave people you love, sammy. you know that."

after a few moments of silence, trying not to understand everything that sammy has told her. understanding him meant figuring out the truth. and figuring out the truth would only hurt more.

the truth of what? she thought. of course, there had been no truth about sammy. no truth about the life he lived. no truth about the people he loved. no truth about how he died. he kept no secrets. he told no lies. and, if there's no truth, then how could there even be a lie?

and so she sat there, crying, and crying. hoping that something could miraculously bring him back. even though she knew that nothing could. he's been gone for more than several weeks now, no matter hard it is to face reality.