What happens when you lose a connection?
Do you leave it or do you find other ways to bring it back?
There were many times when I found the screws on my favorite FM radio loose. Maybe it was the groove inside the screw holes or maybe the screws have run down themselves. But every time they do come out, I try to patch them up with a screwdriver and pieces of foil.
Thing is, I want to throw that old radio away. But since it was my grandmother's, I couldn't find myself dumping it into the trash. But as all things in life, repairing it became tedious and so, I had to get rid of it.
This makes me think of how I approach my relationships and how much of the connections do I have left. Sure, most of them were built on instant rapport, a kind of spark that ignited that kept the conversation and the dynamic going. But after that, what did I do to keep the bond stronger and keep it from burning out?
Ever since, I have relied on that intuitive 'spark' that gets me to bridge gaps with people. I rarely initiate things. But when I find some kindred souls and see them sustain my interest despite myself, I just simply go out of my shell.
And we talk and we laugh and we do things that constitute the early stages of what a relationship is supposed to be at the beginning.
But, with time, this fades...
"Don't start building bridges if in the end, you're just going to burn them," a friend said.
I argue, "I know how to build bridges. I just have a hard time maintaining them."
I see people, walking past these bridges to me. And when it's my time, I see myself stopping halfway.
I have not built a strong bridge. I know, as I see cracks on it every time I take a step. But do I tell them what I see? I don't. Because they too, will be afraid of what I'm seeing.
And in time, they will stop stepping on the bridge towards me.
So, I stop. Because I don't want to go beyond my bridge at times. I love my fort and all its strongholds. Its turrets and its little moat. I've lived there for many years, and to leave my fort leaves me as vulnerable as I could be.
And so the connection fades. Because I let the bridges rot.
But someday, I'll get my tools again and repair those bridges, the ones that still have strength in them. And when I do, I'll be happy crossing them frequently.
If only there was someone willing to hold the ropes on the other end.
