"Hi"
a word I could have said to you in person, but you'll never know the overwhelm I feel inside me every time I try to say that word aloud.
"How are you?"
I'm good. Well, not really good. There are a million things happening at once but, I'd rather listen to you talk about how your day went.
"Why?"
It's the very same question I ask myself. I used to overflow whenever someone chats me up, but nowadays, I feel myself choking on the rivers of stories I have accumulated within me.
"Oh"
I see your disappointment. I know that look very well. You are not used to seeing me like this and that makes you confused. I'm almost always aware of the subtle changes in the environment around me every time we talk.
"Nah. It's okay."
I tell myself that, too, every time I find myself overthinking. Not everything is about me, it really is the truth. But how can I tell my mind to shut up when it replays certain events where things really went wrong.
"Do I bother you?"
Of course, you don't. I welcome your messages despite work and I feel lackluster whenever I don't get any. And in my mind, I am telling you the shows I've watched, the books I've read, the articles I laughed at and the music I played that day. But of course, every time I try to work it out, my own mouth leaves me dry.
"I'm sorry."
I'm sorry, too. My mind is a universe and in all honesty, I want to share that with you. But, tell me. Tell me how, when the moment I start you say you don't like staying at home. You'd love to go out and when we do...
"I don't know what to say."
Me, neither. I'm boring as fuck. But it's fun just moving around the place and climbing onto those fun rides.
"Let's go home."
No. Please stay. The words are all pouring out of me now and...
"I had a great time."
Me, too.
"See you next time?"
Sure. But even if we don't, I'll die happy.
