I spend the first couple of hours that I'm awake in a haze, not allowing myself to process any of the horrible events of last night. Jasmine calls Amanda, our stage manager, and they both agree that it's not a bad idea for me to take a couple of days off. Jasmine tells me this and I only vaguely register it. I'm aware that some part of my brain is kicking and screaming at the thought of calling out, but most of my head is concentrating so hard on not processing that there's no room for anything else.
Instead, I focus all my efforts on Cami. If I'm having trouble processing, she's shut down entirely. She hasn't spoken since she's woken up, and has attached herself to my side, panicking if I leave the room even for a moment. I'm relieved to see the mark on her cheekbone hasn't turned into a bruise, but I can't get the sound of Steven's hand hitting her face out of my mind.
At about 11:30, Renée bustles into the apartment, her presence comforting even as she pulls Jasmine aside to talk to her quietly. I can feel them glancing at me, but I don't return the looks, instead tightening my grip on Cami's hand as she looks at the two women anxiously.
There's a couple words exchanged and then Jasmine and Renée come over to my bed. Jasmine sits down and wraps her arms around Cam, stroking her hair and humming quietly to alleviate the panic that sets in as she's separated from me. Renée places her hand on my arm.
"Pippa, let's go talk for a little bit." She's gentle but firm, and nods as I look back at Cami.
"She's okay. Jazzy's got her. Come with me." She helps me get up and we walk into the kitchen, where Renée hands me a cup of coffee just how I like it; almond milk and just a little bit of sugar. We sit in silence for a while, and when she speaks she puts her mug down on the table.
"Do you want to press charges?" I shake my head. I'd thought about this last night.
"If he does anything else I will. But I don't want to go through all of that. And Cami shouldn't have to." Renée nods briefly.
"So last night was the first time he's been violent towards you." This is phrased as a statement, not a question, because she knows she's right. So do I, and that almost makes it worse. One look into Renée's eyes and I know I'm safe here with her, and I finally let it all come rushing in.
Renée lets me cry it all out, only intervening to hand me tissues and rub my back. When no more tears will come, she looks at me expectantly.
"Better?" I laugh a little, because as always I've walked perfectly into her trap, and as always, she was completely correct.
"Thanks." I take another sip of my coffee, choosing my next words carefully. "What do I do about her?" I don't specify who but Renée, as usual, seems to be reading my mind.
"Everything you've been doing, Pip. Keep proving to her that you're gonna be the exception in this horrible cycle she's been through." She hesitates for a second, but keeps talking. "And it wouldn't hurt for Cami to talk to a professional about some of this. Someone impartial, who can help her for the long term." She's right, and I know she is, but I can't shake my fear of making Cami do anything she doesn't want to do. I tell Renée this, and she nods sadly.
"Wait until she's a little closer to ready then. But at some point she's going to have stop pretending everything's fine and- well, look who's up!" Renée's sudden change in tone is accompanied by a wide smile, and I look behind me to see Jas walking in with Cami tucked under her arm.
"Hey lady!" I scoot over on the bench, and Cam presses herself in next to me. My Schuyler sisters have started bustling through the kitchen, Jasmine making snide comments about the kale and chia seeds in my fridge while Renée starts cracking eggs into a bowl.
Plates are quickly placed in front of us, but Cami ignores hers as she continues to nurse her cup of coffee (half&half only). Jasmine and I exchange a worried look, and I start portioning the food on her plate.
"Love, can you eat this much for me? Please?" Cami picks up the fork like it weighs one thousand pounds, and cautiously loads it with eggs. She takes 3 tiny bites before she sets it down again, and I feel her starting to shake as I surreptitiously shake my head at Jasmine, letting her know that this is as good as it's going to get.
"Let me know if you're hungry, okay? Whatever you want to eat, we'll get it." Cami nods absentmindedly, but has transferred her attention to picking at the skin around her fingernails. I pull her hand down, noticing she's bleeding, and she goes limp under my touch.
"No no, fuck; Cam you're okay, you're fine. I'm not going to hurt you." The sound of my voice seems to jolt her back to reality, and I can feel her relax again as Jasmine places a glass of water in front of her on the table. I smile at my friend, knowing this is her way of comforting people. In the days after Steven left me, Jasmine had alternated with tea and orange juice, but made sure I never went thirsty.
Jasmine and Renée leave for rehearsal shortly after breakfast, with promises to check in later and tell me who is going on as Eliza. Cami and I laze around for a couple of hours, until I suggest we go for a walk around 4. Cami seems agreeable, and puts on warmer clothes and shoes without a fuss, but she freezes as I open the door and step into the hallway. I'm already halfway down the hall when I realize she's not behind me, and I call out to her, moving back towards the door when I get no response.
Cami's standing at the threshold with her hands clenched by her sides. I know her well enough at this point to recognize the look on her face of panic and frustration. I'm at her side in an instant, closing the door and assuring her she doesn't have to go anywhere, do anything, until she's 100% ready. Inside though, my mind is racing with worry. She won't talk, won't eat, and won't leave the apartment, and I have a sinking feeling that it's all my fault.
YOU ARE READING
The Uncanny Accuracy of Fate
Fanfiction... Camille Beckett and Phillipa Soo have been living only miles apart for years, though their paths have never crossed. It's amazing what a masterclass and a musical can do. Who knows, maybe it's fate!
