I open my eyes, closing them again quickly at the sudden light streaming in. I suddenly feel a presence beside me. I look over and see Jerome, fast asleep beside me. I smile a little. I kissed him last night. I kissed him. And he kissed back. I snuggle closer to him, starting to drift back asleep a little. I feel him move a little then suddenly quickly. I open one eye to see him getting up.
"Jerome?"
He looks at me. "Mitch, I'm sorry."
"Wait. Jerome, where are you going?"
"I'm sorry Mitch. I didn't mean for that to happen last night. I didn't mean to kiss you. I have a girlfriend, and I can't hurt her like that." He hurries out, leaving me alone. Shattered. Broken. Questioning.
I don't get up for hours. I lay there, remembering Jerome leaving my room, coming back, packing his things then whispering 'sorry' yet again before closing the door. I've given up on crying. I've spent too long crying. I've run out of tears. My chest feels empty. I not only lost my chance with him, but I also lost my best friend. All because of alcohol. I hug my pillow closer to me, remembering what he had said.
"I didn't mean for that to happen last night. I didn't mean to kiss you."
I take a shaky breath. He doesn't love me. As of right now, I don't think he even cares. I glance at what was once his side of the bed. He's gone. Suddenly, I remember a time similar to this. Before he got his girlfriend.
-Flashback-
"Hey Biggums!" I roll over in my bed and see Jerome beside me, our foreheads nearly touching.
"Morning, Biggums."
He chuckles and sits up. "What a lovely morning!"
I smirk and throw a pillow at him. "Yeah, yeah now go make me food."
"Hey hey. I'm a bacca not a slave."
"But you're a slave to me."
"I'm a slave for you, that's right." He stands up and starts dancing and singing to the song by Britney Spears. I laugh as he dances out of the room. Soon, I smell bacon sizzling. I get up and pad my way to the kitchen just as he slips some bacon and eggs on a plate.
"There ya do, buddy."
"Thanks, Biggums. Love you."
"Love you too, Benja."
-Flashback over-
(THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME PEOPLE SO IF YOU MIGHT GET TRIGGERED YOU MIGHT WANNA SKIP THIS)
He said it. But he didn't mean it the same way I did. He didn't then, he doesn't now and he never will. I feel tears spring to my eyes as I feel the depression taking over. He'll never love me. He loves Marian, not me. I stand up and walk into my bathroom, hesitantly at first but will myself to do it. I grab the familiar blade of steel and drag it across my wrist, slowly but faster. Blood drips out and I sit there, staring at the cuts. I suddenly remember Jerome's voice, when he used to try to get me to smile.
"Smile for me, biggums."
That was the one thing Jerome would repeat day after day, over and over. He'd always whisper it with a goofy grin on his face, trying to make the corners of my mouth turn up. And usually, it worked. I'd chuckle at him then he'd hug me, whispering again in my ear.
"There's that smile I love."
But now, I have no one to tell me to smile.
Therefore, I won't.
