Lost Off

Epilogue - The Journal

18th December

The snow on the pavement is cleared off with the foot. The empty coffee cup is thrown in the trash on the hospital's entrance. It's partly sunny. Park takes out his phone from his jacket. 9:00am, the time reads. He makes his way to the reception. A lady with brown hair is talking on the phone and playing with her hair. "Boyfriend", Park thinks.

"Excuse me", he says and the lady turns the register towards him. He fills the details puts his backpack on the table and says thank you.

Park had been visiting the patient in room 369 for past 50 days. She had been awake for a week now and Park thinks she's ready to talk. The questions were left unanswered.

"Hey", he says as soon as he enters the room and sees Ariana sitting.

"Hi", she says.

"How are you?",

"Getting better, think I'll be attending school in a week, I don't feel like though haha", she says smiling which Park always admired. She looked good while smiling.

"Roger said he'd drop the charges against you if I remain quiet about Judy. Says he'll tell the detectives that the only witness of you killing Brad is dead. So no one can arrest you. You're good to go",

"And you're okay with this?", she asks Park.

"In a way. I mean....I don't know",

"So, you're here because why I think you here?",

"It's time Ariana, tell me what'd she mean?",

"It'll be okay if Judy told you this", she says and Park eyes widened with cluelessness and shock. Is Judy alive? He founds himself thinking.

"What you mean?", he says

Ariana leans closer. "You'll find the answer in her room. There's so much, I can't tell you the way she would",

Park just stares at nothing. Contemplating. Thinking over and over. He remembers how the door of Judy's room was slightly open when he went there 2 months ago looking for the farmhouse's address. He goes back and sits in the car. Roger tossed his near to end cigarette out of the window.

"Got somethin'?", he asks Park.

"Drive to Kate's",

"Slick", he says and starts the engine.

The sister's parents moved after the death of both of them. The house remained empty. What once looked so bright and warm now is a temple of despair and sadness. Word is that Mr. and Mrs. Harrington moved to china and became monks to stable their mental issues. But that's unlikely to be true because Park knows that they've moved to London. He sometimes writes to Mrs. Harrington, asking her about her health and Mr. Harrington. After all, it was his fault indirectly.

Roger opens the house with one of his keys that Judy had gave him. He holds it close to his heart now. They both walk inside. The floor creaks again and hits Park with nostalgia. One he doesn't want to reminisce.

"You search. I'll just stroll here", Roger says.

Park climbing the stairs slowly, opens the door to Judy's room. It's empty. Nothing. He thinks that he'd been fooled again. Only last time, his life depended on it. Ariana wants to get away, she doesn't want to tell the truth, that's why she lied. What a bitch, Park thinks. He looks up at the ceiling and realises something.

"The attic", he says to himself.

Parks grabs the ladder that's resting on the side and places it in the upper floor corridor near the attic's entrance. He tries to open but it's jammed. Three tries and load of dust falls on his face, but the gate is open. He climbs up. Everything is dark, there's no light. It looks like a void. He turns his head a bit and, from a window in the attic, the sunlight falls directly on a book. A thick one. He crawls towards it. The book is upside down. Park tilts it.

"The Personal Journal Of Judy Harrington", is written on the dark brown cover with shiny embroidery on sides. He opens it.

"PRIVATE", the first page reads.

Park considers this. He picks up the journal and stores it in his backpack. Roger will have to wait.

"Found anything?", Roger asks when Park meets him at the door.

"Nah. Searched the attic. Only dust",

"Looks like your girlfriend fooled you", Roger said opening the door of the car.

"She's not my girlfriend",

"Whatever. You wanna go to the hospital again?",

"No, just drop me home",

"Why? Aren't you curious why she lied to you? What is she hiding?", Roger asks and looks Park directly in his eyes. Park's heart stopped and he couldn't think. Does he know? He has definitely found out that Park is hiding something. But does he know it's Judy's journal?

Think you Fool! Park says to himself.

"I guess she needs rest. I've waited this long. I can wait another few days", Park says finally.

"That's modest",

Roger drives him home and Park stands on the pavement till the detective's car was out of sight. He goes inside.

His home alone. Great, he thinks. His folks are working. He has the house to himself. Making sure of everything, he locks the door and the back door. He takes a look from the windows of his room to check. But no one's there.

Park the feels the cover. Gently sliding his hands over it. It's one thing to read a person's journal. But it's another to read a dead person's journal. It's like the final words.

He flips the pages. The journal is empty. No poems, no words, no schedules, nothing! It's as blank as it could be. Park closes it and throws it to the other side of his room. Something makes noise. From inside the book. He grabs it and shakes a little. The noise again. Faint but observable. He knows what it is. He opens the book. Flips a couple hundred pages and sees it. There's a box made from carving the papers. It's a hollow book! He thinks. In the box, rests a pack of cigarette on top of a piece of normal notebook paper, folded. He keeps the cigarettes on his desk and takes the paper. He unfolds it. It's a confession. A letter written to Park.

"With love, To Matthew Park,

 15th October,

If you're reading this, there's good chance that I might be dead. And I don't regret that, it's the consequence of what I've done. What I shouldn't have. I won't ask for an apology. There are some things you can't be forgiven for. What I did was horrendous and in a way puerile. If I had taken the right way, I would've been alive and maybe you and I would be together. It's hard to say it, that's why I didn't tell anyone about this, I decided to write it down and when the time comes, you'll get this. I'm sure about that. You see Park, I've always envied Kate, I know it's horrible to even think about that. But it's true, I couldn't say it to myself. She always had the best things in life. Including you. I've always liked you Park, and I know there's a lot in between us that is inevitable but you don't love with conditions. You just love. I told Kate on the terrace that and she was broken. She was so broken. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, I couldn't see her like that. She meant the world to me and now, This is what I've done. I will never forgive myself. You don't know how horrible it was to see her look me in the eyes with tears rushing down her face, doubting her sister. I good as dead even now, writing this. I don't deserve to live my life. You and I can never be together but you'll always be in my heart Park, I hope you understand the things love make us do."

It was all planned. Judy was ready to die when she came in that farmhouse. She was never trying to murder Park. Whatever would've happened there, even the things twisted, Park was never supposed to die. She knew what she was doing. 

The page became wet as tears rolled down Park's face. It was because of him Kate died. It was because of him Brian died. It was because of him Brad died. And It was because of him Judy died. Everything had been connected to him. If he hadn't been there, this would've never happened. He went into his yard. Poured some gasoline on the diary set aside with the pack of cigarettes and the letter. He lit the match and then the cigarette in his mouth making the match fall on the ground. The line of fire stretched from his feet to the diary. Transforming the last of Judy into ashes.

"No bad memories", he says.