Confliction ; Joetrick

five; of complete hatred and complicated situations

Patrick hated Joe. He really, really disliked the guy, but most of all, he hated himself for allowing Joe into his heart like that.

He shouldn't have gone to that place at all, he shouldn't have listened to Joe's endless flirting, and he shouldn't have just held his hand like that.

And, God, he was so mad at himself for doing so.

He was glad he didn't end up doing anything else, Joe had driven him a short walk from home, Patrick not giving him his exact address, and he hopped out the car with a brisk goodbye. Nothing more.

Sure, he liked Joe, and Joe liked him, and it should be fine, but Elisa was still in the picture. And Patrick couldn't choose between Joe or Elisa. There was no way.

Elisa was his wife, and he loved her so much. But Joe, he liked to mess with Patrick's head, and heart. The way Joe made Patrick feel was new and exciting, making it a real challenge against Patrick's love for Elisa.

Maybe Patrick was the bad guy in the story, unable to decipher how he felt, and resorting to cheating them both. He wasn't technically cheating on Elisa, the furthest he'd gone with Joe was just holding his hand, and Patrick told himself it was just to comfort Joe anyway. But he was cheating on Elisa, if not physically, he is emotionally. Just by liking Joe.

When he entered his house, he replaced his stubborn frown with a half-hearted smile, pushing his problems to the back of his head. He could smell something cooking from across the hallway, and that was now his priority. He'd forgotten how many hours it had been since he'd eaten something. The shared muffin did not count.

"Glad to see you back," Elisa mused as Patrick entered the room, and he looked down in guilt. "Long walk?"

"I may have made a pitstop. Grabbed some coffee with a friend." He hesitated about adding that last part, but then again he didn't want to be a complete liar. Elisa definitely looked taken aback by that part, before holding both of Patrick's hands and smiling widely.

Patrick tugged his right hand away. He couldn't help it. It was the same hand Joe had held, and now it just felt wrong to let Elisa hold it. It was the hand of betrayal.

"You mean Joe? I have no idea who he is, but I love him already." Elisa laughed, having absolutely no idea about how relatable Patrick found that sentence. It wasn't fair on Elisa, all his thoughts were on Joe. Although, the thought of her did save Patrick from doing anything else with Joe, so he ended up doing a good thing.

However, the intention was still there. This was getting all too confusing, and Patrick wished he could just think and act freely, and just do whatever he wanted. But, if that were the case, God knows where he'd be right now. Most likely still with Joe, probably doing what they both wanted to do.

Patrick shivered at the thought.

What he needed to do, was to push all thoughts of Joe out of his head as best as he could. He didn't need this extra stress in his life, if he had to question anything he did with Elisa and Joe, and if Joe was plaguing his mind while he was with Elisa, he knew it was definitely time to just ignore Joe as best as he could. He wanted to be happy, and hold Elisa's hand with his right one without any shame.

Changing the subject to what was cooking, Patrick began his attempts to ignore Joe. It started now, otherwise he'd never stop thinking about the dude. All thoughts were to be pushed to the back of his head, to be forgotten.

It seemed to work, surprisingly, and Patrick stopped worrying. He even began to think that whatever that was, was just a one time thing. It was all blowing over. He had no idea what that meant, but he reckoned it was still a good sign.

Yet, things never go to plan for Patrick, because the very next morning he decided to go to the daycare again. He told himself it was simply to drop off Declan and only that, but he was testing the waters, pushing himself to see how far he could go.

Which response he wanted, he couldn't decide. He wanted to avoid Joe forever, for the guy to stop making him feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. But he also wanted to do anything except avoid Joe, to be immersed in anything to do with the guy. He was obsessed, and it upset him.

And he got what he wanted, partially. Joe approached him, with Ruby holding his hand, until he was standing in front of Patrick and Declan. Whatever Patrick was rambling about to Declan before, quickly quieted as he furrowed his eyebrows at the man in front of him. Joe wore an innocent smile, as if he had no idea how Patrick felt about him, about how he felt after whatever that was the night before.

He probably did have no idea about how Patrick was feeling, but that didn't seem to matter to Patrick, because he was still mad. And there was nothing stopping him from being mad. So, instead of saying "hi" back to Joe, which he must've missed, he pushed right past Joe, shoving his shoulder as best as he could with his own as he stormed to his car.

He didn't look back, but he could picture the look of hurt on Joe's face as he stopped by his car, reaching in his pocket for the keys. The searching became more frantic as he couldn't find them, because he was almost definitely starting to look a little stupid, and Joe could easily approach him now if he wanted to.

"What the hell was that for?" And he did.

Patrick turned to the soft, yet accusatory, tone, and saw Joe stood several feet away with a small frown on his face. It was at that moment that he had found his keys, but it was too late for him to get away -- he was feisty, and ready to argue.

"It was for whatever the hell that was yesterday!" As soon as he started yelling, a few heads turned, and Declan was close to bursting into tears in his arms, so he stepped towards Joe and lowered his voice to a whisper. "And after I told you my situation too; you're a horrible person!"

Out of all the things he could've called his marriage, he called it a "situation", like a complete cheater would. Joe obviously noticed it too.

Even when Patrick was all up in his face, Joe managed to stay calm, just looking at Patrick with this sad look on his face as if this was all hurting him too. But that was impossible, Patrick thought, Joe's the monster, not him.

He wanted to blame anyone but himself for how he felt.

"Okay, yeah, look. I know you're married -- I understand that you're married, but just hear me out." Joe paused, taking a step closer as he waited for any sign to continue. Patrick tapped his foot impatiently, and that was the only sign Joe was getting.

"I just think there's definitely something between us, and whatever the hell it is, it's pretty damn special. I don't wanna let something that's worth holding onto, go that easily." Joe shrugged. "I just like you."

Patrick didn't know when he stopped tapping his foot, as all he could focus on were the words leaving Joe's mouth. He couldn't even begin to process a response, and made an excuse to avoid doing so instead.

"Sorry, I think Declan's just had a huge dump, I have to go." He even waved a hand in front of his face for dramatic effect, but it didn't make his downright lie any more convincing.

Declan didn't even wear diapers, he was well beyond that and could use a proper toilet.

Patrick got in his car and drove off without another word or look at Joe, brooding on how lying had recently become a frequent trait of his, and he wasn't even good at it.

He had absolutely no idea what to think of what Joe had said, and by the way he had left Joe there, he wondered if he was ever going to see the guy again.