Forbidden love

6

Zoe...
Love is such a difficult thing, for some people its easy for some other not, like me, I suck, every time I want to show love I mess up, really bad. With Chul everything its less complicated, even love, with him I felt like everything was okey, like nothing bad was going to happen.

On the morning of my 14th birthday Chul went to my house because we were going to school together, when I went out of my house he hugged me and kissed my forehead.
-Zoe,saengil chuka hamnida.
~Gomawo.
-We should start walking to school.
~Yes.
We walked for a while, I think he notice I was constantly looking at him because he stopped and looked at me.
~Is everything okey?
-Yes... I was just... I was... I just..
~You were...?
-I was just looking how pretty you are, and how your eyes shine every time you see me and how hair moves with the wind.
~Chul...
-I know you tell me to wait, to wait so that we can be happy but I can't, I just can't continue, every time I see you I feel I'm dying inside knowing that maybe we can't be happy, it sucks to be this age, I want to grow up because if I grow up and I'm older we can be together.
~Chul, I...
-I love you so much you know?
~Shut up and kiss me.

It started raining, we were in the middle of the street, he was kissing me under the rain. After he kissed me he looked me and started crying, Chul never cries, not even with a sad movie but this time he cried, he kneeled and took my hand and said to me: "Zoe, for you I could wait a thousand years", I kneeled to hug him and whispered: "I know".

Chul...
Shit, I'm such a mess when Zoe is around, I really act so stupid. I hate when I want to hug her and end saying some stupid thing. Sometimes I try to hide that I'm nervous when I'm with her, I do my best to act confident around her, act like "a men".

When I was little my father taught me that boys never cry even if something that it's sad happens, he taught me to be insensible, to be arrogant. I was all that before I felt in love with Zoe, she taught me that it's okey to cry,it's okey to have feelings. My life really changed because of her, I started seeing everything from a different point of view.

I was fifteen when I cried in front of Zoe, it was her birthday, I really cried that time, I was kneeled in the street in the middle of the rain and I remember everything I said before crying: "I like you so much, I think of you even in my dreams, I miss you even when I'm with you, I want you to be mine, I hate that we can't be together, you know?, sometimes I feel that I'm dying inside, a part of me wants to keep calm and be patient but the other part of me wants to do nasty things with you like kissing you in a passionate way, I may only be fifteen but I could wait a thousand years, Zoe I will wait you, I want to be happy Zoe, not with another girl, with you, don't you understand?, without you I'm dying, I'm dying."
After I said the last words I remember I cried even more, she cried too, she kneeled to hug me and started crying, I had never seen Zoe cry that much, it broke my heart seeing her cry like that, I felt like I was tearing apart, I really hated seeing her crying even though I was crying too.