"He" Isn't Me

//I'm So Very Far From Fine//

{A/N: So, italicized words mean the character is thinking whatever it says now. I'm also going to stop adding these notes before and after each chapter unless I have something important to say. I hope you enjoy this chapter}

Jenna's POV

"If you ever get in my way like that again, you'll regret it. Now, you better get to class! You don't  want to be late, do you?"

I run back to my "friends" who are giggling at my snide remark towards Ruby. I stand in the middle of the two girls, linking arms with them. As they continue laughing, I make sure they're not looking and I glance back at Ruby. I see her as she's running into the bathroom, tears collecting in her eyes. I whip my head around to look straight ahead before I start crying, but I can't control the devastated look that finds its way onto my face.

"Are you okay, Jenna?" asks the girl on my left. 
"You almost look... guilty, or like you feel bad about what you said to that freak," adds the girl to my right.

     Their confused comments snap me out of my sorrow, making me realize they are looking at me now. I start smiling again.

"Oh. Yeah, of course I'm fine! I just... forgot to do my science homework. That's all," I replied, trying my best to disguise my slip up.

"I don't know how much longer I can keep lying to them."
"Well you'll have to if you want to keep your friends and your popularity."
"I don't want either of those anymore... all I want is Ruby."

~

     **I get home from school, and walk into my house. I see my mom and dad standing in the middle of the living room. Mom's hair is clenched in Dad's left fist. His right hand is open, raised in the air about to smack her. He stops his motion just as I open the front door.

"Oh, look who's finally home!" Dad exclaims in anger and frustration.
"Jenna, please go to your room. I don't want you to see this.. not again," Mom pleads.

     I stand there, frozen for a minute. It feels like everything is in slow motion, moving frame by frame. I see Dad's hand start to accelerate through the air. My mom tightly closes her eyes, preparing herself for both the physical and mental pain of having her own daughter witness her being abused. Then, I see a huge blur as I run past them straight to my room.

     Just as I shut my bedroom door, I hear Dad's full power, brutal smack strike across Mom's soft, helpless face. I desperately want to help her, but I know she hates it when I see them fight. I grab my phone, earbuds, and box of tissues. I plug in my earbuds, and listen to my favorite band while curling up in a ball in the center of my bed to cry. I cry so hard I can't see. I cry so hard my lungs begin to ache from all of the gasping.**

     All of a sudden, I stop. I stop struggling to breathe. I stop crying. My heart rate slows down to normal. A sort of calmness washes over me. Everything starts fading.

     The colors come back to reveal that I am now standing in a kitchen in which I do not recognize at first. "Where am I?"

"Hello, and welcome back to Cooking with Jenna and Ruby!" Ruby says, looking at the camcorder we took out of her parents' room, who were not home at the time.

"Oh, this is when Ruby and I filmed funny videos of us making really gross food at her house last year."

     I can't remember a single thing that happened that night. I've done my best to block out the memories of Ruby and I hanging out because I can't bear to think of why we don't talk anymore. So, I simply stand there in the perspective of my younger self, watching everything happen like I'm inside a movie, experiencing it for the first time. Obviously I was unable to control what I said or did. Sadly you can't change the past, which is all I want to do right now...

     After a while, we get done filming the video and sit down at Ruby's kitchen table to watch the video before we post it on YouTube.

"Do you want me to make some popcorn before we start it?" Ruby offers.
"Sure! Popcorn sounds great," I say as she starts to get up.

     A few minutes later, she sits back down and places a bowl of extra buttery popcorn between us. She presses play and we watch the video. I eat about a third of the popcorn over the course of the seven minute video.

"Ready to upload?" asks Ruby.
"Ready!" I exclaim out of sheer excitement.

     She plugs the camcorder into her laptop, saves the file on her laptop, then clicks upload.

     I realize she hasn't eaten any of the popcorn. 

"Wait... have you eaten any popcorn?" I ask, pretending not to know.
"Um.. no," Ruby replies, immediately looking down to the floor.
"Why not? Are you feeling okay?"
"I'm just not hungry.. I've eaten a lot today.."

     I can hear her sentences starting to trail off. I grow so worried I can't help but ask:

"What have you eaten?"

    Ruby doesn't respond.

"I remember she had problems with eating. She would go weeks without eating a single thing, but of course her parents didn't care," I mentally roll my eyes at how much her parents ignored her. "I wonder how she's doing now..."

"Ruby, please.. eat something. It kills me to see you this way."
"No one cares. No one cares what I do, what I don't do, how I feel, what I.. think."
"I care. I care so much. Ruby, you are my best friend. I hate seeing you like this."
"Jenna.."
"Yes, Ruby?"
"He's getting louder.."

     My vision goes completely black.

     I open my eyes, and here I am. Back in this hell hole of a "home". My parents aren't fighting anymore..

     A tingling sensation takes over my body. Soon enough I can't feel anything. My whole body is numb. All I can do is see. I can only see what he is making me do.

     I close my eyes for a couple seconds. I open them and find myself out of bed and opening my bedroom door. I wander into the living room, still unable to control my body. I look at the clock. It's midnight. All the lights are off. My dad's car is gone. He must've went out drinking after Mom fell asleep.

     I walk, though at this point it feels like I'm floating, into the bathroom and lock the door behind me.

"You ate a little too much today, huh?"

     He throws me to my knees right in front of the toilet.

"Daddy only wanted a thin, pretty little girl. Instead he got you, the fat, ugly bitch."

     **He puts my index and middle fingers down my throat until I gag. Finally my stomach gives up everything I ate the last two days.**

     The whole time all I can think is:

"I'm sorry Ruby..."