Dear diary :)

Chapter 15 - Camouflage

"The class is over for today", our new guest teacher said.

I huffed as I placed my books inside my bag sliding it over my shoulder. I kept looking at floor while making my way out of that suffocating class. Ana came behind me, linking her arms by my hands and muttering incoherent swears. I know she's not okay with all the drama that's happening and if I allow, she will practically kill someone in this room. Two people are on her radar right now. I won't take their names, I already had enough of them in last three months. And as tomorrow is my birthday, I promised myself not to be an emotional mess on my 18th birthday.

"I figure out that you are in no mood to attend the next class, so let's go for some destress shopping", Ana nudged my elbow throwing me out of my thoughts.

"What? Destress shopping? Is that even exists?", I asked.

"Duh! Of course darling. There are numerous types of shopping and trust me, they work", she squealed.

"Well, I wasn't planning to go anywhere today. Have to continue my self pity party", I shrugged.

"No way I'm letting you stay by yourself with your suicidal tendencies."

"Don't start again Ana! You make me sound like psychopath. It's not even a heartbreak, I can handle."

"Keep saying that to yourself. I have seen you with my fucking eyes. If you haven't stopped me that day, I would have killed Drew that day."

Drew, damn, listening his name brings all that memory. A fresh layer of salty water start accumulating in my eyes. No matter how hard I wanted to forget it, I just can't.

"See that's what I was saying.  Now let's go to our room and have a girls night out. You go home, I'll go fetch some things from supermarket and will bring your favourite chocolate chip ice cream", she said starting her car. I waved her goodbye and started my walk to our room. Walking will clear many things of my head.

I stopped near a park. Seeing it near empty, I went there. I sat on bench and saw the sky above me. It was mixing colours of orange, red and little bluish. Sun was about to set and the scene was pretty.

"Why this always happens to me?", I said and tears started flowing through my eyes. I didn't stopped them, why would I? There's no one to see me here and I pulled my sleeves up to see the fresh scars on my hand. When I touched them, I whimper. I deserve this, all of this. I keep on thinking myself. Well, all of you might be pretty confused as to what happened in last months which made me a crying mess. Trust me, it isn't  as it seems. It's way worse than that.....

Three months before-

I was waiting for him at the local coffee shop. He sounded so eager at phone so I assume that's something important. I keep on thinking about him. The way he looked at me, the way we had our kiss, my first kiss, the way he stood for me against Bianca yesterday; everything made him more gracious in my eyes. My insides are screaming that I like him but my mind is too slow to register it.

"Hey Princy", he waved his hand before me.

"Hey, sorry I got zoned out", I said blush apparent on my cheeks.

"That's alright", he said in somewhat cold tone.

"So, why you called me here? Not that I'm complaining, but really, why?", I sipped my coffee with a slight smirk on my face. See, It's not that only he can play this game.

His head hung low and I can tell he's going with some internal battle within him. I quickly held his hand and he immediately pulled away his hand from mine. Something is very fishy.