Camp Pining Hearts

Chapter 12

Peridot had never before faced such a trial of her resolution, which was made particularly obvious as she struggled to fall asleep that night.

There was a chorus of light snores (with the exception of Amethyst's, which could not by any definition be categorized as "light") intermingled with cricket chirps from just beyond Peridot's window. This was a medley that Peridot had typically found comforting since she first started attending camp. But tonight, it did nothing to calm her. Instead of dozing off (as she should have done an hour or two or three ago), Peridot was stiff as a board under her sheets, staring at the bunk above her with eyes that simply refused to close.

Her brain was too busy to allow her body to relax. It was preoccupied with—what else—thoughts of Lapis. Thoughts of Lapis laying naked beside her as the afternoon sun made slanting patterns through the cabin window over their bodies. Then thoughts of Lapis doing the same thing with Jasper, probably still doing the same thing with Jasper, even after what happened. Thoughts of Lapis allowing Jasper to kiss her and hold her.

But then came that intruding thought of Lapis pushing away Jasper's advances from only hours before.

And, more than anything, thoughts of Lapis waiting quietly at the edge of the dock—which she was maybe even doing right that second—for her. For Peridot, of all people.

Peridot got as far as to sit up, fully intending to retrieve her legs from their resting place against the bedframe. But just as soon as she was upright, she stopped herself. Meeting Lapis was not an option—first and most prevalent of all—because it was wrong.

A voice at the back of Peridot's mind whispered, Well, that didn't stop you before.

It should have, though. And it was too late to change anything that already happened, so all Peridot could really expect herself to do was to keep from repeating the same mistake twice.

What happened with Lapis sure didn't feel like a mistake, though. At least, at the time, the voice piped up again.

Hindsight's twenty-twenty, isn't it? Peridot couldn't justify brief indulgences if their follow-up included a lifetime of being sick with guilt and anxiety.

Maybe if you just tell Jasper—

No. Peridot squeezed the bridge of her nose, hard. If she could just tune out the nagging and finally fall asleep.

She's out there waiting for you.

She's not, though. Peridot had made it clear to Lapis that she would not be meeting her tonight, so why would Lapis even bother showing up, let alone waiting around? Just as she thought this, Peridot's gaze wandered towards the window. Even without the aid of her glasses, she could tell that the path behind Pink Cabin was completely still.

You said you weren't going. And yet here you are, sitting up in your bed at who-knows-what-time in the morning, staring out the window like you're waiting for her to crawl through it.

Well, the voice had a point there. So slowly, almost methodically, Peridot lowered her head once more onto her pillow.

Clod.

Peridot grabbed her pillow out from under her head before smashing it over her face and ears. But the action didn't do much to muffle her internal dialogue, so she was forced to endure a few more hours of its repartee before she was finally able to nod off.

It seemed mere minutes, however, before the wakeup call sounded and the clambering of fifteen other bodies readying themselves for the day filled the cabin. Peridot clenched her eyes shut more tightly, hoping against hope that she suddenly had the power to stop time just so she could get a couple more hours of (what she considered to be) well deserved sleep.