Times Cruel Love

02 Fateless attraction

   The meaning of fateless for me is that all my relationships end up dead. Some go on long and some end right then and there. There is nothing more i would like then to be loved and share the love i have but that doesn't always go right for me. There are days when i would cures being human and want nothing to do with it even myself. I would lock myself away and not eat for days or even cut to see what will happen and i know i know cutting is bad. Well put it at this for a man set out of death and that even ends up in a failure, my life gets more depressing. I mean between all this ill tell you iv tried to get rid of my life more then 15 times some in years or some in days if possible. Considering the past this is no where near bad. Try being depressed and then suicidal then give up your own life and finally end up waking to the sun and busy day all over again. Iv tried more then enough to stop this all with me sense of self-awareness but yet again takes me to a dead end. Being me iv pulled some smart moves in life. Instead of cutting and getting caught and sent to a rehab place or hospital were ill be jumped up on pills and words of remorse from people i haven't seen in my life before. Iv gone without eating for days and still be able to hid the fact i wasn't or the cutting which i hate the most about my self. Most people who cut bleed out or lose conciseness but for me in the same hour my blood hardens and starts to close up no matter how many times ill slice the same cut and believe me the pain was another thing. So everyday i wake up knowing i'm depressed, wanting to die, and end my suffering but can't complete those easy steps. Pills and other methods wouldn't work as well. So as i walk mindlessly around hoping for things to change i end up finding this one girl who has some problems similar to mine. Ill push away but we both would attract one another without realizing it. That has always been a problem of mine. Just by being near someone they start to change and see things like i do and soon enough they tell me the things i want the most, the words i crave the most '' i love you ''. I end up falling for her and she tells me her past and her current problems but to me all i see is her gorgeous flaws. I end up wanting nothing more then her love and her sweet words. After its all done i'm just sitting in my room or  a empty place thinking to my self that i screwed up once again and no one will love me.