"How are you?"
I am in more of a state than ever. I haven't washed in a week and I've been wearing these clothes for three days. The bags under my eyes are so big; I could go shopping with them. My fingers are raw from chewing my nails so much in anxiety. I don't reply.
"How were the doctors?"
There is a fly on the ceiling and I watch as it throws itself into the skylight over and over, in pathetic attempts to get out. It reminds me of my brain, how all my thoughts, my nice normal thoughts, are trapped by the horrible monster in my brain. I watch the rain instead.
"Are you going to speak to me?" Silence. "If you aren't, why did you come?"
Why did I come? I was lonely. I wanted to get out of my musty room that smells of sick and decay. The air is full of dust and smoke remains. I have no energy to clean. So I came here to be less lonely.
"Well, your behaviour is concerning me so I'm going to contact Louise and..."
"Please! Not Louise!"
She's taken aback by my sudden outburst, and I feel bad for startling her. She smiles sympathetically and crosses her hands.
"You're obviously not getting any better Ian and I think it would be best if..."
"Please. Give me a month. I can change! Please..." I look at the floor and try to look innocent. "Please."
She sighs and picks up her appointment cards, writing something down.
"Okay. You have one month to improve but if I don't think you're getting better, you'll have to go."
She hands me the card and I look at it. Our next appointment is September 14th. She has given me an extra two days. She looks at me hopefully, and smiles.
"You can get through this."
I hope so.
YOU ARE READING
Ups and Downs
General FictionIan has depression. He feels pretty hopeless and doesn't know how he's going to cope with any of it.
