Marks

1.1

I'm scared.

It's natural to be scared considering the situation.

I'm about to leave the life I've lived for the past two years, no coming back either. Sitting on my bare bed I stare at the now bare walls. No poster or tapestry marked them, not even a pen mark.

I guess it didn't take long for me to pack three years into my suitcase, that's the thing that really scares me. Three years, and it only took me half an hour to clear up and leave. I'm just not one to stay committed.

Sighing I stood up from my old bed and made my way towards the door. Casting one last gaze over the room, I turned around breathing heavily. I didn't turn back around until I locked the door from the other side. Goodbye Manchester University.

• • •

Tapping my hands and singing along to the car radio I made my way home. My dad made me a CD with all of my favourite songs before I left because I needed to, "stay cultured!"

And by that he meant only adding songs released before my time. I didn't mind listening to INXS on repeat but I'm not really in the mood today. I know I'm dramatising this way out of proportion but I'm just missing my dorm. Oh and friends, yeah missing them too.

Well actually it might be nice to be able to step into the shower and not feel like someone else is going to jump in the room. Yeah they weren't that big on privacy.

I lived in one of those shared coed dorms, there were 6 of us. Three girls and three boys. We all got along, that is only if Toby remembered to actually stock the damned fridge.

He was a forgetful person, but he was nice. I guess that's one of the reasons he had so many black marks, people just don't fall the nice guys anymore. It's all about the bad boy image, motorcycles and all that crap.

Then again I've never actually come across a cliche 'bad boy', the closest to the idea of one is Seth. He had dark hair and knew how to ride a motorcycle. But he was just moody. He did nothing bad or illegal but it was like he was on his man period 24/7. I did feel bad for him though, he didn't really have many friends outside of our dorm.

Pushing away the fond memories I turned my attention back to the music blaring out of my car radio. Another song from before my time was playing. Removing the CD with one hand whilst cursing my old fashioned car. Why couldn't it have an Aux cable? Who thought that this was a good idea? Seriously it's like I actually need friends to man this car safely and not drive myself into a ditch.

Grabbing the first available Cd I quickly shoved it in and averted my gaze back to the road, narrowly missing a pothole. Thank you British roads, highest quality if course.

"Let's get down to business-"

And of course I just had to pick my Disney medley playlist I bought ten years ago...

Mouthing the words and making dramatic hand gestures with my left hand along to the beat as I drove along the motorway.

Slowing the car down as I neared a red light my inner 5 year old escapes and bursts into song. "You must be swift as the coursing river!" The dramatic dancing intensified as I sung the lyrics and whipped my head from side to side. Flailing my arms around and dancing to the beat, still strapped and in the drivers seat. The chorus ended and im was mid freeze frame laughing my ass off looking like a psychopath.

Still laughing I lean my head back taking a glimpse out of my window to be met by two bright blue eyes in the car beside me. His mouth was pulled into a grin and his eyes shone with amusement. The person behind him in the drivers seat was applauding me. He looked as if he was having a seizure with all the laughing he was doing. Well crap, not even a full day and I've already embarrassed myself.

Feeling my face turn redder than a tomato, I shrunk into my seat trying to avoid eye contact. Facing foreword again and praying for the lights to change so I can escape my embarrassment. The faint beat of the song drifted on as my car slowly inched away from the car containing blue eyes and seizure boy.

The traffic lights flickered from amber to green and I shot off away from my embarrassment.

---

Sighing into my coffee cup I typed away aimlessly on my laptop, trying to look like I was actually doing something and not just sitting alone in a coffee shop. Just the day to day life of an introvert.

Earphones in and my mind distracted I removed my gaze from the screen to look at my surroundings. People dotted across the room deep in conversations or in a book. Most of them with friends but the odd few obviously with a partner.

The couple by the window stood out, both wearing matching grins. They were drawing smiley faces on the fogged up glass laughing over the other ones drawings. They looked around late twenties, both brunette. Her jumper sleeve slipped showing her dark skin, the bright red line visible from all the way over here. She subtlety looked down at it and back up at the pale boy before her. His bare wrist also showed a bright red mark, the only mark on his wrist. Smiling to herself she once because immersed into the conversation again.

Turning my head to state blankly at the glaring screen in front of me I sighed. Taking a peek at my covered wrist. Pulling the soft material down and unwrapping the bandage, my pale flesh stared back at me. Not even a freckle laced my skin.

I wasn't broken was I? I'm nearly 25, most people get their first mark around 16. I'm not lonely or anything, I just-.

I don't know.

I'm scared I guess.

It's normal though. Totally normal. I'm happy. Just graduated from Uni and I'm back off home for a while. I'm happy.

Everything's fine.

Wrapping the fabric around my wrist to hide it, I returned my attention to my coffee and the open word document in front of me.

Typing three words I plastered on a smile and stood up, placing my now closed off laptop in my back pack, welcoming the bitter English wind as I stepped outside.

'I am happy'

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A/n

I don't know if I like this chapter or not. I'm going to try and make her feelings clearer next time hopefully :) also who was blue eyes?

Emmy xo