Louder - Demi Lovato/Selena Gomez/Liam Payne

1/A Drop in the Ocean/

1/A Drop in the Ocean/

“By the grace of God I do not rest at all.”

+ + + +

I came into my dorm room shutting the door behind me. Tears were all over my face and eyes. I just couldn't take this anymore, this damn class, school, everything. I was pretty much failing every class and I hated it because I was a perfectionist. I wanted to make sure I was good at everything; to make my mother proud, even if she was 300 miles away. It was my second year here at University of Illinois and I was still struggling. Maybe it was my major, Accounting, because honestly I could care less about it; I was just doing it for my mother's sake considering she was a single parent. I just wanted to make her happy because my father sure didn't do that. They've been divorced for only a few months and it's been rough on her. I'm not going to lie but it's been rough on me too but I wasn't going to let that phase me; I was much smarter than let my father and his stupid decisions ruin my life.

I was struggling not because of my mother but because I didn't want to be an accountant, all I wanted to do was to dance. I've been a dancer as long as I could remember. The only thing I do for myself at school is my dance team, the only thing I actually care about.

Now that I've failed, once again, another test in my Accounting I class, I was so done. I didn’t care anymore. I threw myself on my bed and cried so hard and so much. I knew I didn't want to fail, I really didn't, but what else could I possibly do? I've been going to all the tutoring and seeing my professor; there really wasn't much else I could do.

I quit right now. I was definitely not going to study for the final for this class in one week. I curled up in my unmade covers and continued to cry my eyes out. My thoughts had wandered to places as they always did when I was in a pissy mood. I told myself I wasn't going to do it, I wasn't going to cut. I was already four months clean thanks to my best friend who basically saved my life. But she wasn't here to help me, she was at another university and I won't be able to see her until winter holidays.

I didn't do it, I was proud of myself, I let myself go into a deep sleep.

+ + + +

I woke to a coat rustling and a door slamming. I turned around to my stomach to see that my roommate had entered the room.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" she asked, taking her computer off of her desk and bringing it to her bed.

"No, it's fine," I reassured her.

I rolled off of my bed and went around to get my computer as well and brought it back to my bed.

"So how was your day?" I asked Chelsea, waiting for my computer to function properly. It was becoming really slow lately and it was frustrating me.

"Good, but my math teacher is so damn stupid that I just don't know what to do anymore," she sighed.

"I'm really sorry that you ended up with the shitty professor," I apologized.

"It's okay. I guess I'm just going to have to figure out what she actually wants from me for the final," she shrugged "what about you?"

I shuddered. I wasn't about to tell her about my panic attack after the numerous ones I had in front of her.

I just shrugged and lied. "It was fine."

I looked at my computer once more and went to the internet. I needed to check my emails. I haven't done that for quite a while and didn’t want to miss out on something important.

Once I had reached my email, I saw a ton of junk mail as always. All of a sudden I came across an email that was sent this morning by my dance teacher from high school. Confused as to why she was emailing me, I opened the email. I read it all the way through and my mouth dropped open.