Louder - Demi Lovato/Selena Gomez/Liam Payne

10/She's So Lovely/

10/She's So Lovely/

“I think that you are lovely, I think that you are beautiful.”

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Ever since Christmas ended, I've had a pretty insane schedule and it's only been two days. We had the show in New York and that was probably one of my favorites. The fans had already figured out and got used to who I was, so it felt more home-like.

Yesterday I had a ton of radio interviews with Demi and Selena and they surprisingly were asking me a lot of questions. Everyone knew I had gotten signed but no one knew I was writing music at this very moment. So, this gave all the radio hosts the chance to grill me with questions about this topic. I wasn't allowed to say anything. Everyone working at the studio, told me they wanted it to be a spontaneous surprise. I tried my best not to spill anything.

It was early morning at the moment, and I was in the back of the bus in a mini recording studio that we made out of mattresses and blankets to help muffle out all of the outside noise.

"I want to hide inside, I gotta get out, I gotta get out, I gotta get out!" I sang through the microphone.

"Okay, okay," Rick waved his hands towards me, signaling me to stop singing "you need to switch this up a bit. It's not working really well with the beat of the song."

This was probably the millionth time he has told me I was singing this specific line wrong. I haven't even finished writing the song and he was already telling me I was doing a horrible job. It was completely stressing me out because I wanted to make my first song perfect and it's already been three days that I have been working on the same idea. Was I stupid or something that I couldn't get one song down right?

"I'm sorry," I apologized, talking off my headphones slowly and placing them around my neck.

"How about you take a break," he suggested "it's early, so I guess it's acceptable that you're a little bit off."

"Thank you," I sighed, talking off my headphones completely and walking towards the bathroom with the first thing on my mind, my friend, the razor.

Ever since I've been doing it routinely, I stopped crying. I was more of a robot now; this was just like a daily habit of mine just like biting your nails or cracking your knuckles, perfectly safe. Maybe not normal, but definitely not deadly.

The razor was lying in its usual spot, in the shower caddy. I grabbed it and made a quick graze, letting all of that tension that was stuck in my throat sink to the bottom of the stomach. I felt myself breathe again, putting a smile on my face and placing the razor back into the shower caddy, leaving the bathroom and back to the back of the bus.

"I think I'm ready!" I sang, skipping over to the mattress, blanket fort.

"Alright, alright, I'll tell her, yes, yes okay alright. Thanks for telling me. Bye," Rick was conversing with someone on the phone and then quickly slipped his phone into his pocket, looking at me intently.

He sighed. "Alright, I have some good and bad news."

I felt my heart starting to race slightly "what?" I muttered.

"We'll you're performing at the Canadian New Year’s Eve show along with Demi and Selena who are supposed to perform too and it's on television," he announced.

My eyes widened, not saying anything.

"But..." He sighed "the record company wants the single finished by tomorrow afternoon."

I could feel all that tension rise back up into my throat again.

"But we have a show tomorrow," I whined.