Imagines

Just Admit It

Steve Rogers x Reader

Every after mission or training, as soon we as we arrive in the Avengers Tower, I go straight to the balcony and sit on the couch that faces the view and just reflect on life. I usually end up reflecting on how the mission went and how many lives I could have saved, but then I'd beat myself up thinking those thoughts. I hate heights, but I feel most comfortable when I'm on the balcony. Especially, when I'm alone. There's no Sam making lame ass jokes, no bickering coming from Steve, Tony, Clint, Natasha and Thor, no fangirling coming from Scott and no flirtatious talks coming from Vision and Wanda- just peace and quiet.

But tonight's different. I was interrupted by my thoughts when I heard the sliding door open and footsteps coming closer to the couch I was sat on. I looked to my right and saw Steve walking towards me holding two bottles of beer with a smirk on his face. Steve looks good tonight. He always does. Even after a mission or training, even with slight bruises on his face and a fresh wounded lip, he still manages to look breathtaking.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." He said, causing me to realise that I was staring at him.

"I'm sorry. Just got lost in thought." I replied while looking down at my lap just so I can hide the blush on my face.

"I thought you'd like some company. You're always out here alone." Steve says while passing me a bottle of beer. I didn't even acknowledge that he was sitting beside me. I start to feel very conscious and I straighten my posture. I took the bottle of beer from him and take a sip before replying to him.

"I just love the view of New York from here. It's beautiful and peaceful. I always look out to this view but never get tired of it. It's breathtaking, honestly."  I reply while looking out to the view. I did not hesitate to say what was on my mind. With Steve, I know I get to say anything without being judged. I know I can trust him with what I say, and I know he would listen to every word. I feel most comfortable when I'm with Steve. He was always there for me.

"I agree." Steve says and I turn to look at him. He was looking at me with a small smile on his face. I smile shyly and look down at my lap trying to hide the blush again.

"Tony's ordered pizza and Chinese take out, and Sam's got more beer. Wanna come join us inside?" Steve asked.

"Sure, but I think I'll stay here for a few minutes more. Take in the fresh air and just relax a bit. Today's mission was a pain in the ass, to be honest." I said while laying back on the couch a bit. I looked at Steve with a small smile on my face.

"I can keep you company." Steve says while starting to relax on the couch.

" 'M fine, Steve. Go ahead. I'll follow."

Steve looks at me and raises his left eyebrow. As much as I want Steve to stay with me, I want to be alone for now. Even if I feel comfortable around Steve all the time, I can't help but feel very shy and conscious. He's Steve Rogers. A. K. A Captain America. The first Avenger. How can you not feel shy and worthless?

"You promise to follow, y/n?" Steve asked but seemed more like he was begging me to follow.

"Yes, Captain." I answered with a salute. Steve chuckled and stood up from the couch.

"Well then, soldier. I'll see you inside." 

A big part of me wished he didn't leave me alone. A big part of me wanted him to stay.

I have always fancied Steve. Ever since I can remember. No matter how many times I tried going on a date, even once with Sam, Steve was always on my mind. Maybe that's why it always didn't work out. It's just, when you fancy someone like Steve or just fancy someone in general, how do you get them off your mind?

The only time I get him off my mind is when I'm asleep and when I'm focused on a mission. I would always dream about dating him. What it would be like to be with him. What it would feel like to be given flowers, letters and chocolates from him. What would it feel like to date him. Where would he take me in our first date, what our conversations would be during our date. What would our first kiss feel like and just, well, what it would feel like to be loved by him.

But, I know he can never love me. I mean, who will? I'm no Peggy Carter. Peggy has always been, and always will be Steve's first love. I can never beat Peggy. She is Peggy Carter after all. Every guy fancied her. Well, from what Steve told me. Even Tony's dad, Howard Stark, fancied her a little. The story Steve told me when him, Howard and Peggy were on the plane and Howard told Peggy that they should get fondue after Steve jumps of the plane to save Bucky and him getting jealous thinking that fondue meant something else. That just comes to show how much Steve loved her. Or should I say loves her? All I know is that, Steve can never love someone like me. I'm just, well, me. Boring, and nothing like Peggy Carter.

I was so lost in my thought that I barely noticed that Bucky was sitting beside me. Bucky coughed to get my attention, which made me jump. I looked at my right and saw Bucky sitting on the armrest of the couch.

"Jesus, Buck. You made me jump a little." I said before taking a sip of my beer that Steve gave me.

"Well, you wouldn't be so jumpy if you weren't staring into space while thinking about Captain America." Bucky said with a teasing tone. I looked at Bucky with wide eyes and mouth a little open preparing to say something but nothing comes out.

"Wh- What do you mean?"

"C'mon, y/n. It's obvious that you're madly in love with Rogers." Bucky says while snatching the beer from my hand and sitting on the couch where Steve sat.

"It's obvious, love. When he isn't back from a mission, you're so tense and worried, you start to pace around the whole house without even noticing, and when he walks through the door, you relax and smile a little bit before rushing to aid him." Bucky says. "It's also the way you look at him. Especially, the way you look at him." Bucky takes a sip from my bottle of beer then puts it down on the coffee table.

I was speechless I didn't even noticed that I was staring into the coffee table with one hand my lip.

"I- I- I don't like him, Bucky. No, I don't. I can't and even if I can, I wont. He's just my friend. I don't like him that way. No. No. I don't. I-" I start to vomit words and become uncomfortable from my seat and have the urge to jump off the building.

"Y/n! Relax, would ya? Take a deep breath. You're giving yourself scratches." I look down at my hand and realise that I was scratching my right arm. Bucky removes my left hand from my arm and puts it down on my lap.

"No, Buck, I – "

"You think you can lie to me, y/n? No matter how much you try to deny it, no matter how much you try hiding it, I know you like him. Just admit it." Bucky says in a calm way. I shake my head and look down at my lap again. I know Bucky sees it. I just don't want to admit it. I don't want anyone to find out. If Steve finds out, things might become awkward and Steve's friendship and mine might break. That's what I'm most afraid of, losing Steve. I don't want that to happen. Never. I'm scared that loving him and a lot of people finding out can ruin a lot of things. Not just my friendship with Steve, but more than that.

"I know you're scared, y/n. But trust me, there's nothing to be afraid of. You care as much about him as he cares about you." Bucky says with a small smile on his face. I look at Bucky and sigh.

"Steve can never like me. I mean, why will he, yeah? No. Never. Not even in a million years." I said, trying to avoid Bucky's eyes.

"That's not true."

I look at Bucky with wide eyes and pray to the gods above that he was the one who said that. But sadly, my prayers weren't answered. Bucky and I look towards the sliding door and see Steve leaning against it.

"Now, that's my cue to get up and join the party. See you inside." Bucky taps my lap and gets up. As he passes Steve, Steve nods at him with a small smile on his face while Bucky pats Steve's shoulders.

"You said you'd follow. I was waiting for you inside, sweetheart." Steve says with a teasing smirk on his face.